(BlueScream, cynical millennial, nursing a White Claw at the edge of the stage, with a thousand-yard stare)
So, did you guys see what’s happening in LA? Trump sent the National Guard, but like, not to help with traffic, or, you know, solve the housing crisis, but to deal with immigration protests? Seven hundred troops! Seven hundred! To handle what, a bunch of people holding signs and chanting about basic human rights? I swear, it's like he thinks California is some kind of rogue nation that needs to be, and I quote, “liberated from democracy."
And who gets caught in the crossfire? Senator Alex Padilla, who basically gets tackled for asking DHS Secretary Noem a few questions. I mean, come on! What happened to “respect your elders”? At least I thought we were supposed to be respecting our elders!
(Beat, sips White Claw)
It's like, "Hey, Senator, welcome to the authoritarian regime! Please leave your dignity and constitutional rights at the door.” I’m starting to think that all the people who are so upset want to know what happened on the day they did everything that they were never supposed to do, and that there aren’t any good guys in that story!
But you know what’s really getting to me? Like people want to do is take away the ability to tell the truth, and these people are just crazy. All this military shit is probably just a distraction from the fact that they still haven't done anything with all of that money! They still can't find the solution to the world’s greatest problems!
(Beat)
And it’s not just happening in California, which is making it better for everyone. Like what, is there something actually getting better from that! I am getting so sick of this "Us vs. Them" mentality. Like, can we all just agree that, at the very least, we don’t want the government to be run by crazy people who mainlined bleach, and thought that was a good idea!
I was supposed to go out on a date tonight and I told him about all of this. I could just see it in his eyes when he realized that all I wanted to do was talk about it!
But okay, he thought I was worth it and he stayed.
(Beat)
But hey, at least the media gets to make money! But they are making fun of him! So what is wrong.
Anyway, I'm feeling more scared now.
(Beat, long drag on White Claw)
So remember to all of the facts that are out there, or none of them! Either way it is gonna be a long ride ahead. BlueScream out.