(BlueScream, cynical millennial, nursing a White Claw at the edge of the stage, with a thousand-yard stare)
Okay, so, you guys seeing this? Trump actually bombed Iranian nuclear sites. Like, full-on bombs, not just sanctions and strongly worded tweets. It's like, remember when Obama got the Nobel Peace Prize for not bombing anyone? Simpler times, am I right?
Now, the reason is that there is so much going on and for the last few weeks it is as if it is only getting worse.
And also so many people are so pissed!
And the right wing is going nuts because we are about to have a world war!
(Beat, sips White Claw)
And all of this is making the new and younger people scared because they are just trying to live their lives!
And these are our leaders and they have been doing all the stuff and it’s like what is even gonna happen?
But has anyone actually seen our president? Did all those military parades and that stuff really work?!
What I am saying is who’s in charge, really? And I don’t care enough to keep up.
(Leans into the mic, conspiratorially)
You know what my grandma told me?
They want all the new people to die! Just so they can have all the money!
I should just go to bed.
So, I have a plan to move the troops, and all of the people who want to make the world better, to a place where the government can't touch it.
(Beat)
Canada! I had no hope for those people but they started to take the world for things they want to do.
So, what do you say? You with me? Let’s sell all our crypto, buy a fleet of kayaks, and paddle north until we hit… well, something less insane.
(Pause, looks around, realizes she’s alone)