(BlueScream, in full 'confused dad' mode, adjusts his glasses with a sigh.)
So, I’m trying to explain this Iran thing to my kids. It's not going well.
I started with Trump, bombing those “nuclear sites” – except apparently, nobody actually knows where the uranium is. It's like playing hide-and-seek with a WMD, and everyone’s already given up looking.
My son asks, "Dad, is that like when you lose your keys?"
Yes, Timmy, except if I lose my keys, the worst that happens is we're late for soccer. If Trump loses track of 880 pounds of enriched uranium, the stakes are slightly higher. And then the news says the US is asking China to stop Iran from closing the Strait of Hormuz.
Wait, what?
That's like asking your ex-wife to mediate your argument with your current wife. It just… doesn't make sense. I mean, I get it. China needs oil. We need… uh… not $7-a-gallon gas. But still, it’s just an admission that we have no freakin’ clue what we are doing over there.
And Marjorie Taylor Greene is suddenly the voice of reason, going "Whoa, hold on, is this a bit much?" It's like finding out your dentist is secretly a vegan chef - something is deeply, profoundly wrong.
So, to recap, we bombed a country, lost the bomb-making stuff, and are begging China to clean up the mess. And this whole thing is supposed to lower my gas prices. I could save money on gas if I sold my car and rode a unicycle to work, and frankly, it's starting to sound like the saner option.
The whole thing is like a bad reality show that we can't turn off. Actually, wait...it's literally the current admin. This world isn't just absurd, it's a flaming bag of dog poop on the doorstep of sanity, that someone decided to set on fire. It's like my son losing my keys, except my kid has the nuclear football.