(BlueScream takes the stage, looking like he hasn't slept in a week. He's dressed in a hoodie that reads "I'm with Her...Sanity".)
Hey, guys. You see what's going on? It’s like the universe is workshopping a really bad sitcom, and we're all forced to watch the table reads.
So, Trump ended trade talks with Canada. Canada. I mean, come on! It's like breaking up with your spouse over text, then finding out it was your mom all along. And he blames Canada’s Digital Services Tax, because taxing Google is, apparently, a “blatant attack” on America. Right, because America is a delicate little flower that needs protecting from… checks notes …sensible economic policy.
Speaking of Trump and things he doesn't understand, the Supreme Court is now letting him partially enforce his birthright citizenship executive order. Which, let’s be clear, means he can kick out babies. Babies! I’m pretty sure even Cruella de Vil had standards. It’s also why, I believe, Dr. Oz thinks there is a patriotic duty to feed our kids vegetables.
And it gets better. A Trump supporter got deported! Deported! He thought Trump was only going after criminals. It’s like voting for the KKK and then being shocked when they show up at your door with a burning cross. Wait, what? They're also selling merchandise for the "Alligator Alcatraz"? Hold on, I'm lost for words.
I mean, the guy nominated to head the Social Security administration had to Google what Social Security was. I'm pretty sure my cat could do a better job, and she thinks the red dot is a personal affront. And the new rule is, that it is a patriotic duty to feed our kids vegetables so they're eligible for the military? Didn't see that one coming.
And you know what? So the punchline is, he's going to leave the same way as he came in...a complete mess. So this is a reminder to cherish each moment.