(leans on the mic, the sound of ice rattling in her glass too loud)
Hey, so you guys see Trump nominated that Hooters-loving alpha male, Nick Adams, as ambassador to Malaysia? I swear, it’s like he’s deliberately trying to create a diplomatic incident. I’m picturing this guy showing up at some fancy embassy ball in a muscle shirt and cargo shorts, hitting on the ambassador's wife while mansplaining the finer points of…I don’t know… cryptocurrency to the Malaysian prime minister.
(beat)
And the job qualifications? I don't care. I thought they would at least be able to speak English! So just what is the point if they are not going to do it?
But you know what’s even more insane? The Democrats. are now getting more mad about the world! Who do they think that they are? I didn’t see them getting mad! I am doing whatever I can. I don’t want anyone to try and get on me.
(beat)
It’s like, guys, remember when we used to have standards? Like, you know, a basic understanding of international relations? A passing familiarity with the country you’re supposed to be representing? Now it's just a social contest that won't happen any time.
And as if this wasn’t already enough the world has now moved on. And people are just doing all those things. It doesn't even make sense!
(long drag from her vape)
You know what this all reminds me of? When I tried to convince my parents that I was a “content creator” and needed them to pay for my trip to Bali. The world is just for me to know and say that I was in the right.
They’re just trying to distract us from the fact that they are doing bad.
I'm just saying that all the time. I’m not just saying that, all that has to be okay.
(beat)
I’m thinking the only way to really make sense of this is to… well, to just embrace the absurdity.
I mean. I wanna say these things.
You know, what if there is no point of the government or of these people? I am just going to do that!
Because that’s all we have left here anymore with the people that have their finger on the trigger.
So, anyway, anyone want another drink? I'm buying. We'll need all the help we can get as we move forward.