(RedStateRoast ambles to the mic, wearing a "Don't Tread on My Pronouns" t-shirt. He sighs deeply, the sound amplified by the sound system.)
Alright, so as your friendly neighborhood RedStateRoast, I'm here to tell you that folks are asking me, "Are you worried about what is going on in this country?".
And to that I say, I have no idea what is going on in this country and yes, I am worried!
The thing is: this week the Los Angeles Immigration Raids are the hottest topic, and I just have to ask- were those ICE raids just a tad bit too intense? It's just a little bit funny that this time, a raid on an elementary school graduation is what finally got the libs mad.
I mean, I get it. You're trying to Make America Great Again. But what about the children! You should only be targeting Middle Schools, since kids that age are already starting to get Woke!
And now that the National Guard is being deployed, it seems like the only thing standing between us and total anarchy is… well, a bunch of guys in ill-fitting uniforms with M16s. I just hope they’re not too busy trying to figure out what pronouns to use to maintain order.
And what is the end game here? Did we all forget that we have a “The RedStateRoast Roast” reality show with immigrants?
The thing is: that idea was just a little bit too tone deaf.
(beat)
So, yeah. This all sounds like an episode of Black Mirror. Oh wait- no, that show was about British people and good writing.
The truth is: the American experiment is over, and we are all going to be launched into space to fight to the death for the right to call ourselves citizens.
And now the Left are saying that Trump is wrong.
I mean come on! The left are always wrong.
The truth is: I don't really know what is going on with the world.
I'm just a RedStateRoast trying to be your friend.