(RedStateRoast shuffles to the mic, adjusting his now askew tinfoil hat. He squints at the audience.)
Alright, settle down, settle down. So, I hear you folks are still trying to make sense of all this… this… gestures vaguely …gestalt of crazy we call American politics? Good luck with that. I’m about ready to start training squirrels to run the government. At least they have a clear agenda: nuts.
This week, I tell you, it's the gift that keeps on giving. The RedStateRoast Reality show did it all folks, but Trump canceled it to send troops to Los Angeles. It's a reality show, folks.
And what is this "No King, no King" nonsense? It seems like every few weeks we find one thing or another that we don't like. It's a lot to remember, right?
And now, you have RFK Jr.. This is just the beginning, and now you think that is not enough? All of a sudden we can't get him out of his position for some strange reason, and now he is destroying one of the most important organizations that we have?
But if you want to see what true oppression looks like, listen to the people on Twitter. I just heard about one lady got her tweets put down, and said she was going to burn the government down because she couldn't say what she wanted.
(shaking head)
Anyway, to make all of this better, the DNC just voted to oust a couple of vice chairs, that did what they wanted to do?
You are living in a government that is taking it all the way to the left, but saying hey guys we gotta push left. Then when they try to do that, the new blood gets ejected.
It’s a new level of “you can’t win”, to all of the people that are just trying to get by.
It’s great, and it helps us understand what’s going on here. It is almost like they want to take away our rights!
(beat)
You know, I’m starting to think all of these politicians are just characters in a really bad soap opera. Next thing you know, we’ll find out Kristi Noem is secretly an alien and Trump and Musk are long-lost twins separated at birth.
And you know, I saw a dog the other day, I bet he would be better at running the White House than the people who are in charge right now. Sure they would not be a "dog person", like my dad, but they would do a better job.
You just have to remember not to trust anyone who wants to tell you the truth. If you knew the truth you would probably be like that robot guy. So I'm thinking people should just get out there and try to have a good day.
(taps mic)
Is this thing on?