(RedStateRoast, as a world-weary GenX cynic nursing a lukewarm IPA, leans into the bar, addressing his equally jaded friends)
So, lemme get this straight: Trump's 79th birthday, right? What do normal people get? A cake? Maybe a sensible watch? Not this guy. No, he rolls out the Army for a taxpayer-funded ego stroke. I swear, it’s like watching a toddler who’s just discovered his reflection, except the toddler has access to nuclear launch codes. It’s a great honor for the army I guess?
And the people, are angry with the state! I mean, why do they not appreciate that he's trying to “liberate” LA from the migrant hordes? I mean, I’m no fan of traffic, but isn't that a bit much? Then they have the balls to protest it? I mean, what a world for the kids!
It's that damn “No Kings” protest, did you hear about it? I heard more than 2,000 protestors for the "No Kings" and people are thinking "what"? It makes me have no idea what is going on! It’s insane. Is it about power? Is it about the end times? Now, it seems that they have more problems with the cops and the fact that they keep getting arrested!
You know, it's funny and they arrested a couple because they don't like the world and you know a couple is just a few days so whatever! I get it, I get it. You have to make a point or something.
You also have to remember, all the sudden Biden is all about saying "I am pro what you have said", you think he is trying to act like Trump? Because that would be pretty stupid. He won, or, uh, you know...
And listen, all this is just the surface. Dig a little deeper, and you find the Senate that can now arrest people that cross the line.
The fact is: you don't have to like Trump, or what is going on. But hey, look at the bright side, we have the RedStateRoast Roast reality show. If you are good you are going to be a U.S. citizen, if you are bad, El Salvador time. So, you know, everyone has something to look forward to.
But I bet you do love this great story and all the world will see.
Listen at the end of the day, you have to just get out there and do it yourself. If you make it through the test you’re going to be a citizen and if you don’t, well, there’s always a new country that you can go to.
It's all so absurd that they are gonna call in all the people from everywhere! But you have to remember to go through the numbers and be the best, that is all that matters!
Speaking of which, I heard they had to cancel an episode due to a deadly shooting. Whoa! And I know what you're thinking. It was probably someone that was pro what we have. Oh no! They didn't want all that to happen!
Also, just throwing this out there, if anyone sees an ex-president on that show, please be sure to call the police as soon as possible! I can’t believe all that it has to take is for a check to come through.
(Takes a long swig of IPA)
You know what? I bet all of this will be different 10 years from now. I wonder what we are going to be talking about?