(RedStateRoast squints at the crowd, adjusting his colander and downing lukewarm IPA.)
Alright, folks, gather ‘round. Let Uncle Randy tell you a little story about how the world went absolutely… well, you know. I swear, every time I think we’ve hit peak crazy, some politician straps on a jetpack made of pure, unadulterated ego and says, “Hold my beer.”
So, this week, I hear that there were “No Kings” rallies but that doesn’t matter since it’s now the law that you must say that President Trump is the best, otherwise you’re gonna lose! The thing is, in 2025 he is still the same but is only talking about making the world a better place for someone like him.
It makes you wonder what did we lose? Freedom? I mean a lot more than we actually think. You can't even get the things you need because all the costs are going to those elites. Just like what is happening!
Well if we are going to the world that is all wrong, then it is what the news has now? The old is great but the new is bad, that's the way that works, right? All I know is that some day in the future, there will be a new way and it'll be right for everyone to tell you that we have to get along!
But wait, there's more! Turns out, the Senate is going to get a little too close with their talk. I mean there has to be a limit, right? The people who do the work now have to deal with the work that there is because this is all they want to do. No one is gonna help them.
But hey, maybe I need to start my own side government, like in El Salvador!
Here’s the kicker though: it’s not just the government that’s gone off the deep end. You wanna know who's running the entire world? All the people with a lot of money! It’s the billionaires, you see, and it goes all the way to what does it even matter when there is no one to say what is good?
(RedStateRoast pauses, takes a long sip of his IPA, and squints at the crowd again.)
So here’s my advice, folks: invest in tinfoil, learn to can your own food, and for God’s sake, stay off the internet. It’s all a simulation, anyway. And the programmers are definitely on something strong. Also, what am I supposed to do so this is all just too much? Just stay with me!