(RedStateRoast, as a recently-radicalized, middle-aged, heartland QAnon truther, shuffles to center stage. He’s sporting a tinfoil hat askew, multiple QAnon pins on his camo jacket, and is clutching a well-worn copy of the Constitution - with certain sections highlighted in neon yellow.)
Alright, alright, folks, gather ‘round. RedStateRoast here, comin’ at you live from… well, wherever the algorithm lets me speak before the Deep State shuts me down. I swear, it’s getting harder and harder to tell what’s real anymore. What's on the TV, and what is actually not fake?
You hear about what Trump told that guy and what if did to his life and then what?
Anyway did you hear that he might not even be the real one anymore?
The thing is I have been hearing what people are doing, but it just doesn't make sense. All the people can be changed.
And all the sudden what is the meaning of all this government stuff? I mean, I’m just a truck driver, trying to make a living, but I can see what is going on. It’s the end, folks.
We are gonna get it real soon.
(RedStateRoast pauses, a look of dawning horror spreading across his face.)
…They’re turnin’ the frogs gay!
I swear, I saw it on a YouTube video. It's all real, and what will happen will not be up to us.
(Rummages in pockets)
Let me see what is happening now.
Well then, they said this and said that, so now I am thinking to myself, “If they don’t want that, I will not do that”
What the world will not say it's okay?
You know there is a new world that will come to us and that is if we are on their side. So if you take the money, well there will be more help from there. It's called "We are all here to help the plan of the money" and in that you all get the big plan.
So what does it all mean, anyway? What is going to happen? I'm telling you, if we just pray really hard then things will get what's been done!
(He lowers his voice, eyes darting nervously.)
I think what’s gonna happen is more of that thing with the government and the secret people and the thing you can't see and all that they will. I will tell you that I am in your side because who would be telling you the truth if all was not there what else?
The world is ending, and you all know that is happening what I am seeing! And nothing that they know about will be all that what had been talked about is just the same and that makes all!
So the deal is? If we start the plan with this thing we are on it together and that's my thoughts on the world being together if there is a point to all of these things what is next.
(His voice rises to a fever pitch.)
Wake up, sheeple! The end is near!