(RedStateRoast, as a grizzled, seen-it-all blue-collar worker, sips from a lukewarm beer, leans into the imaginary bar.)
Alright, so, the Supreme Court, right? They ruled that judges can't just slap a nationwide stop sign on whatever crazy thing Trump dreams up after his fifth Diet Coke of the day. Gotta sue him individually now, state by state.
(Beat, shakes head)
Reminds me of trying to fix my kid’s busted Xbox controller. Duct tape here, a little super glue there… before you know it, the whole damn thing is held together by prayer and wishful thinking. That's the Constitution now.
(Beat)
And what was the first thing the courts wanted to weigh in on? Trump's birthright citizenship order. Apparently, the 14th Amendment, written after the Civil War is now just a suggestion. I guess. A suggestion like, “Hey, maybe don’t own slaves anymore?” Folks, even I know that is not how laws work.
(Scoffs)
Makes you wonder, what other amendments are up for grabs? Maybe the Second Amendment? I am sure the Left would like that. And then what? Can Trump just declare that the speed limit is now 95 everywhere?
(Leans in conspiratorially)
Wait, wait, wait… you think that's crazy? Check this out. So this ruling is coming down as this dude Tuberville is out there saying “inner city rats” are leeching off of taxpayers. Can you believe that? It’s like he’s trying to win a contest for “Most Likely to End Up in a History Book as the Bad Guy.”
(Beat)
And he said this while the North Dakota Governor accidentally vetoed the budget for Native American Homeless Liaison Position. Can you even make this stuff up?
(Shakes head again, takes another swig of beer)
You know, I am starting to think Trump is making all of this up. I mean, these guys just keep giving him what he wants.
So, SCOTUS lets Trump run wild, a senator is quoting from mein kampf and someone is trying to make sure the indians are homeless. I am gonna take a wild guess here and say that America is about to go bankrupt.
(Finishes beer, slams glass on the bar)
I am telling you. My kid’s Xbox controller is in better shape than this country. And at least the games are cheaper.
(RedStateRoast walks off mumbling something about the woke mind virus.)