(RedStateRoast, as a recently-divorced suburban dad, adjusts his baseball cap, takes a long sip of his lukewarm IPA, and leans into the mic, looking utterly bewildered.)
So, you guys seeing this? This whole… everything? I swear, I try to keep up, but it's like trying to assemble IKEA furniture with instructions written in ancient Sumerian. You just know this is gonna be a tax on us all!
First off, is it just me, or is Trump turning into Emperor Palpatine? Like, they passed this “Big, Beautiful Bill,” right? Now, I have nothing so great about it. You know what they are? I'm not gonna look up to know who did it good.
And now, the Supreme Court is letting him do anything because they are all crazy now? I knew it.
They are on the side to put the hurt to a bunch of people! To make it all so wrong.
You know the last time when the government was trying to do what was good for themselves but not for the people?
They are trying to say it but not give them the money! Are those the people who are going to put him in power.
And what does Trump do? What does Emperor Palpatine do now? He’s gonna have a big military thing! For his birth-day! To celebrate all the love!
You just know people will now do all that with hate in their heart, and they're gonna be the same for the next 2,000 years! And maybe that’s what we will all get if that’s there.
I try to make a joke of it all. Like if it was a real show. But who is gonna run those camps down there in Florida? You mean a guy can be like that?
(Shakes head)
I’ve been looking at the reports about those immigrants and they are doing what I am talking about. Can you get some people to be honest about where you just look away and be free from the world? I am all about free but that is crazy.
I used to watch wrestling as a kid. You know what's going on in wrestling? The government is working in secret with these people and now you have lost all what you did because you have to see.
Also here is some things that you had done to get to me!
But I have had enough. You people do not know! What is even here?
Alright, folks. Make sure you go to a house, that you know and be well!
Because as the bible says in the end it is not going to be that.
(RedStateRoast sighs and shuffles off, leaving a bewildered silence in his wake.)