(RedStateRoast as your Uber-Cynical Bartender)
Hey, pull up a stool. Rough day? Tell me about it. You hear about this “One Big Beautiful Bill”? Yeah, the one they rammed through Congress while everyone was distracted by… well, you know.
Now, I’m no economist, but I know that when someone slaps a shiny label like “historic tax relief” on something, it usually means you’re about to get robbed blind. I read that it’s gonna cut three million people off food stamps? Three million? That’s like wiping out the entire population of… Nevada. And speaking of wiping out, I also heard they want to shut down that station.
Remember when everyone was freaking out about the government takin' our guns? Well, now they’re just takin' our healthcare, our food, and, like, our basic human dignity!
But hey, at least Trump’s gonna host a UFC fight at the White House to celebrate. A UFC fight. At the White House. You know, Lincoln would have loved that. A cage match right there on the same lawn where he was saying equality for all men! What a time to be alive.
Honestly, I’m starting to think the Founding Fathers were just a bunch of guys who’d had one too many pints of ale and decided to write a breakup letter to England. And now, centuries later, we’re stuck with the hangover.
I am not one to think that the world will stay still but maybe if we can vote out that trash, then that might help out.
But what do I know? I’m just a bartender. Pouring drinks for people who are trying to forget about the dumpster fire outside. What'll it be? Double IPA? Something stronger? Maybe something that comes with a complimentary tin foil hat. It's on the house. You look like you've earned it.