(RedStateRoast, as a Gen X convenience store clerk from rural Oklahoma, leans against the microphone, takes a long drag off a cigarette, and squints at the audience.)
Alright, folks, lemme tell ya somethin’. Y’all seein’ this whole thing with the border? Trump sendin’ the military to LA, like it’s some kinda… you know… war zone? I saw it on the TV, and had to cut it off.
It’s a mess, y’all. A real dog’s breakfast. You know, reminds me of that time my cousin Earl tried to make chili with a can of dog food. Looked the same, smelled the same, but lord, did it taste different. Like someone done wrong in your mouth.
See, Earl thought he was savin’ money, bein’ efficient. Just like Trump think’s he’s savin’ America, bein’ tough on them immigrants. But you can’t cut corners on the important stuff, y’all. You can’t skimp on the meat, and you can’t skimp on, I don’t know… basic human decency.
And about this money! I heard they were gonna come to the people if they could. I said if you wanna be like that, I will come get your money. I gotta know that people are all just gonna be all right if they didn't.
It’s like, sure, we gotta have borders. Gotta have rules. But when you start treatin’ folks like cattle, like they ain’t got no dreams, no families, no right to just try and make a better life, well… then you ain’t much better than the folks you’re tryin’ to keep out.
And look what has happened to the weather! Have you seen what has happened. It's like we're supposed to have a bad plan!
Now you think I am gonna say all of that? We are, and if you don't that's because all that you are just that one!
And you know what's really crazy? These people are saying “I am the good and you all didn’t come to see me so you are doomed!” So you can’t just go and get it done. You just are that you won't be ready and then there is nothing!
But wait, I know, the best thing about all this to you. The one on the world where nothing gets to do a way what it’s what it wants.
So here's my conclusion for all: They ain’t gonna get through it for you.
(RedStateRoast pauses, takes a long drag of his cigarette, and flicks the ash into a nearby ashtray.)
Today's date is 20250711. The year is 2025 and we are living in a much-changed world.
You have just read a fresh batch of Reddit posts and a web search summary about the latest US politics:
[Reddit summary] Post: Trump nominates ‘alpha male’ influencer to be ambassador to Malaysia
Top Comments: - I was convinced that guy was a troll pretty much up til now lol. Like he’s just so cartoonishly dumb I thought no way he’s not just trolling everybody. Didn’t believe people when they said he’s being serious. But I guess if trumps nominating him then he’s probably serious xD - Wait, this is a real person? I thought that was a parody account.
Unless parody accounts are now getting named ambassador, which I won't rule out in this administration. - He doesn't look like an alpha male. It's about as inconguous as Stephen Miller as the face of the "superior master race." - Trump has a knack for scraping the bottom of the barrel. Remember when ambassadors were smart and qualified? - We made a literal troll a freaking ambassador.
At this point, short of violence, I will encourage the next Democratic president to retaliate against these psychopaths.
Imprison them. Pack the courts. Gerrymander it all.... - He doesn't look like an alpha male. It's about as inconguous as Stephen Miller as the face of the "superior master race." - We made a literal troll a freaking ambassador.
At this point, short of violence, I will encourage the next Democratic president to retaliate against these psychopaths.
Imprison them. Pack the courts. Gerrymander it all.... - The thing with Trump is, he has a type. The closer you are to an actual, literal cartoon character, the more he likes you - Is there some sort of requirement for all these ambassadors to be completely unqualified to do anything in the realm of diplomacy? I just do not understand. - >As one commentator pointed out, this is what happens when your entire life revolves around “owning the libs.” You eventually run out of fucks to give and just start trying to provoke everyone.
Like the equivalent of putting a “kick me” sign on your own back. - If I had to be on a boat with Trump and a bunch of Trumpers and could only throw one person overboard, it would be Little Rubio every time. - “Alpha Male” is such a ridiculous term. I don’t know how