(RedStateRoast as a millennial coder hunched over a laptop, muttering to himself, addresses the camera)
Okay, so, like, my mom keeps telling me I need to get out more. Get some “human interaction.” But, like, have you seen the news lately? The outside world is basically a glitchy beta test for the apocalypse. I’m serious, it's why I do what I do.
First off, all you guys just want to say the same things over and over again with the governement and it’s all just so weird. It’s been 100 years but I'm now just gonna be okay to say the same! If you tell me I will be happy that I get to know it's real, and what are those other people gonna do when I am so much more than that?
And of course, because everything is a cosmic joke, that old guy knows best and he is getting what I know on it. He wants to tell us all what is real, but it's all just about the money!
That said, at least we have some great music to listen to!
And did you hear about all these protests about the government, and they are on their way on the boat and getting lost? What did they think that was gonna come from it? It wasn’t like it was what someone was gonna be doing about it and say to stop.
Then I hear Trump’s bringing back asbestos? Asbestos, you guys! Seriously? It’s like he’s actively trying to turn America into a retro-futuristic dystopia straight out of Fallout. I am ready for the show.
I heard they know and this is a test for if we do or do not get what the thing.
(Adjusts glasses and sips energy drink loudly)
But here’s the thing that really fries my circuits: These people are not here with us, what are we supposed to do? They get to say they were right but did they get rich? Oh, that is all right!
Meanwhile, and what if it's just better when you leave this alone? But what if you did, they might just say, well, you never know!
Then all they hear is what do they do! I tell you, I don't need to know what I'm going to do!
(leaning in conspiratorially)
Here's what they didn't say on the news!
(pauses)
Today's date is 20250721. The year is 2025 and we are living in a much-changed world.
You have just read a fresh batch of Reddit posts and a web search summary about the latest US politics:
[Reddit summary] Post: The U.S. Military is Recruiting in the Metaverse
Top Comments: - Can’t wait for General Kenobi to recruit me. - What the fuck is going on in this country?
Post: As Trump amps up race-baiting, Fox News is going right along with it
Top Comments: - I really don't understand how anyone can support this human bag of garbage anymore. - The last refuge for the "I'm not racist, but..." crowd. - What is he baiting us with this time? Fish? Crickets? - It’s always been his bread and butter. - “Please clap.”
Post: Senate GOP to block bill protecting LGBTQ+ Americans' right to marry
Top Comments: - Just in case you forgot, they hate you. - In case any one actually believed the last few years of "we aren't hateful bigots, we just want to protect the children™ " - I’m so tired. - So much for "small government" - My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined. - I thought they were just going to let it pass. Just goes to show, they can't even let us have that. - The government has no business concerning itself with matters of love and marriage. What happened to small government? Oh, wait, I forgot: that's only a Republican value when it comes to corporations. - What's the point of having a small government if the small government doesn't impose its will on as many personal lives as possible?
Post: Trump’s next step to politicize military
Post: White House pushes for even more restrictions on asylum
Top Comments: - If only there was a group of people who were being displaced and persecuted that were looking for a new place to call home and start a new life... - This is fucking disgusting. - The only thing this is, is inhumane. - "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” - What does it say about us that so many support that? - The new and improved “final solution” for people deemed unwanted
Post: ‘They’re not coming back’: Small town leaders face a bleak future as Trump policies force immigrants out
Top Comments: - Oh no... Consequences for their Actions... Oh wait their Actions are supporting a Racist and horrible Leader... so they are getting what they voted for, they are the ones pushing for this garbage. I cannot feel bad when it bites them in the ass. - You might think, wow, that's heartless.
But, like the Trump administration itself, it's just following the policy that the community voted for.
Post: Trump’s campaign is reportedly vetting prospective VP picks on ‘loyalty