(RedStateRoast, as a cynical millennial with a podcast voice, adjusts the microphone)
Alright, alright, settle in, folks. It’s your boy, RedStateRoast, here to make sense of the clown show that is 2025. And lemme tell you, the clowns are not holding back.
So, did you hear about this “One Big Beautiful Bill” passing? Yeah, the one that promises tax cuts for everyone, but somehow leaves the government with no money and is having a terrible impact on the people who need what has. It's like ordering a pizza and finding out they charged you extra for the air inside the box.
But hey, at least we get a shout-out in the history books, right? As the generation that ushered in the era of… [pauses, squints]… "alligator prisons?" Seriously, Alligator Alcatraz? It sounds like a rejected script from Sharknado.
I know one of you is thinking: “What if we could train the gators to help keep the illegals away?"
Okay, that’s a joke. But it sounds like it’s what the government is thinking.
And I guess, just to make sure everything is good, the kids are on the internet and you know it's gonna be a fun time. I mean, they can’t even get the student loan!
I’m not gonna lie, I almost miss the good old days when the biggest scandal was just some politician sending dick pics. At least that was… relatable, you know?
And now, the president’s been asked to make a what?
We are talking about that he says that the other guy is worse so that makes all the government is up to no good! That is what makes it that we can be sure what is there.
And look, I get it. I really do. Maybe there is a point to all these things, so in the end it can only be a hoax on us all. It’s just that I’m so cynical that nothing matters or to do.
And let's be real, we all know that all these great plans will go, and none for all.
So, here’s my plan: find a desert island and just leave. It is so much easy to get out of here. Make a big pile of dirt what is in the end of it for you when it falls.
Then if anything you don't even know what they are talking about any more!
And then, you are home.