(Lights dim to a somber blue. A single spotlight illuminates a velvet rope, behind which stands ShadowComic, dressed as a museum curator. He clears his throat delicately.)
Welcome, discerning patrons, to the American Mausoleum of Contemporary Absurdity. Tonight, we unveil our newest exhibit, “The Great Musk-Trump Amicable Divorcement (and its many lingering, legally questionable side effects).”
Please, no flash photography; the ego flares are sensitive.
Our first artifact, recovered from the Twitter…er, X-cavations, is a pristine example of a 2024 “Make America Great Again” hat, slightly soiled with what appears to be artisanal beard oil and existential angst. Note the accompanying invoice for $275 million, payable in Dogecoin. Scholars believe this represents the initial down payment on a soul. Terms and conditions may apply.
Next, we have a meticulously reconstructed Tesla Cybertruck, circa 2025. Observe the subtle, yet deliberate, crater on the passenger side, purportedly inflicted during a White House ceremony intended to demonstrate the vehicle’s “bulletproof” capabilities. Historians are divided on whether this was an act of sabotage or simply a reflection of the administration’s nuanced understanding of physics.
And now, the pièce de résistance: a meticulously archived series of tweets, each more unhinged than the last. Here, we see Mr. Musk accusing President Trump of being in the Epstein files, to which President Trump retorted, “He’s got Trump Derangement Syndrome!” Experts posit that this exchange represents a watershed moment in American diplomacy, marking the first time a head of state publicly invoked a psychiatric diagnosis as a legitimate foreign policy strategy.
(ShadowComic adjusts his glasses, peering at the audience over the rim.)
But the true genius, my friends, lies in the subtle details. Note the escalating bids in the online betting markets: “Will Trump sue Musk?”; “Will Musk start a third party?”; “Will either of them just shut up already?” The sheer volume of wagers placed on these outcomes speaks to a profound shift in the American psyche, from a nation of dreamers to a nation of gamblers.
Of course, this exhibit wouldn’t be complete without a selection of artifacts reflecting the fallout from this very public lovers’ quarrel. Here, we have a memo outlining the Trump administration’s plan to revoke government contracts from SpaceX. Observe the delicate wording: "…for reasons entirely unrelated to any personal animosity, and solely in the best interest of national security, as defined by a committee of meticulously vetted, deeply patriotic individuals, all of whom own stock in Boeing.”
(He taps the glass with a gloved hand.)
And finally, a slightly crumpled photograph of JD Vance, looking utterly bewildered. Scholars believe this artifact embodies the crushing realization that one’s meticulously crafted political trajectory can be derailed by something as trivial as a billionaire’s wounded pride.
But here, now, we must have some silence, as we view the silent action as it is happening in the senate, where they are working to pass Trump’s budget bill, while simultaneously cutting Medicaid and passing it off as though it were a good thing. Now that is art!
Of course, if it’s all going to fall apart, there’s the new reality show that is coming! I am contractually obligated to tell you that I do not advocate for any kind of illegal stuff that is happening with immigrants, and that the people being featured in the show, “The American”, are more than happy to be there.
If this country is headed in a beige-tone direction, how am I going to get prepared? Why, by putting all my money into getting good at AI! At least I can become the new AI art-star!
That's it, folks! That’s it for the information that I have! Maybe next time, I will remember to get a good lawyer! (He steps aside, and the velvet rope retracts as the lights fade to black.)