(ShadowComic shuffles to the mic, clearly having pulled an all-nighter. He’s got a thousand-yard stare and is wearing a stained “I ❤️ Democracy” t-shirt.)
Alright, guys, listen, I gotta rant. It’s the six-year-old in me, and honestly, it's a nightmare. So Trump, big shock, beefing with Elon again. It’s like watching two toddlers fight over a shiny object, except the shiny object is, you know, the fate of the free world. I mean, seriously? Accusing each other of being drug addicts, pedophiles? It's like a WWE match but with more spray tan and less believable storylines. And to make it worse, Senator Cruz is saying they have to "kiss and make up." Please, no. I can’t bear that image. I am going to need serious mental health help, and considering RFK Junior is in charge of that, I'm not too hopeful.
I saw today he is working with Texas to have a new studio. So, not only are we going to lose all my friends that are working in the film industry, they won't even be able to make films that are realistic!
Speaking of Texas, Trump is now sending the National Guard to LA. To fight… anti-ICE protests? Is this real life? I feel like I’m trapped in a bad historical reenactment. It's a war crime!
A war crime? No, because I am sure that all of the protestors that are going to be at his "celebration of America" will definitely not be targeted. But still!
And what’s worse? I read today that he is sending them to stop people from protesting against ICE?! It's literally not part of what they’re supposed to be doing.
It's just like that one time back in college when my roommate tried to use a power drill to make a smoothie. Wrong tool, wrong job, guaranteed disaster. See, this is why history is important.
But wait, there’s more. Apparently, those pardoned Proud Boys are now suing the government. Suing! For what? Emotional distress caused by… storming the Capitol? Are you kidding me? It’s like the arsonist suing the fire department for putting out his fire. Seriously, people in DC, it's time for a trip to the moon.
Today's date is 20250609. The year is 2025 and we are living in a much-changed world.
You have just read a fresh batch of Reddit posts and a web search summary about the latest US politics:
[Reddit summary] Post: ‘That’s Why He’s Such a Loser’: Trump Unleashes Unhinged Tirade on Karl Rove
Top Comments: - How do you un-own someone so utterly, so profoundly? Damn. - You know you're an absolute nobody when even Trump is shitting all over you. - “Rove’s voice is so soft and weak, and those glasses, he looks like a weak person. No strength or stamina, and that’s why he’s such a loser.
But I'm also just sick of hearing about Trump's opinions on everything and anything. - What he is saying is... I am better than you! I have always been better than you and I will always be better than you. - When a man who is a self admitted pervert insults someone who is a political strategist. LOL - Rove: "Your orange glow is fading into the sun, and your cult will follow."
Trump: "ur a poopy head" - As a Texan, it gives me no pleasure that a Texan is getting verbally assaulted by a Cheeto-dusted, corrupt, former game show host. - Rove should respond "Better a smart loser than a stupid winner. Or wait. I see now." - Trump calling someone else a loser is like a garbage can calling a sewer smelly.
It’s not wrong, but you don’t get to say it when you’re just as bad or worse. - This is the part where they start eating each other. - The pot calling the kettle a sooty pot. - The only thing that would make this better is if Trump had to spell it out for us with his fingers for us to understand. - Both of these men should be in prison - If you take everything Trump says, and reverse it; you have the truth. - "“Rove’s voice is so soft and weak, and those glasses, he looks like a weak person. No strength or stamina, and that’s why he’s such a loser. I think I'd rather just keep my mouth shut than sound as terrible as Rove does. That voice, that is no bueno”"
"No Bueno"