(ShadowComic, as a slightly unhinged Gen Z "doomfluencer," paces the stage, clutching a phone with a cracked screen.)
Okay, so, like, the world is ending. Again. You guys seeing this? Trump’s got the National Guard in LA over ICE protests? Dude, that’s some real Handmaid’s Tale stuff right there. And they say that the deployment of the National Guard to LA will cost $134 million? Like that isn’t a sign of where we are headed? All of this to stop the evil “left” from committing all the violent crimes with the only weapon ever invented, non-violence! You know I’m saying?!
It's just... dystopian. I read one of his cabinet member's tweet that said if people weren’t happy in America, then he’d happily pay for their deportation! And the comment had almost 30 million likes!! And now he is saying that there will be another world war because the liberals aren’t doing what he tells them to do! Like… I just wanted to start a sustainable, ethically sourced kombucha business, not live in a real-time political thriller.
(Takes a swig from an unlabeled bottle)
And, to make it worse, apparently, this is all part of a bigger plan. The Big, Beautiful Bill. You know, the one Elon Musk is now trashing? And if you didn’t see, the last time I looked, the budget was for about 860 million dollars to fund the war! Okay, but who are we at war with! Why is no one asking this simple question!!
They are trying to get us to believe something, and no one can even agree with that, because everyone is doing their own thing. What is this!
(Gestures wildly with phone)
Okay, but wait, there's more. They are literally trying to kick one of my favourite influencers off Youtube because his comments weren’t “nice” enough. I was trying to listen to one of the local stations to find some news, but all it said was “this content might not be what you wanted it to be” and “this source is not deemed truthful”. What do you want to hear from your local news station? Nothing?
So, like, what do we even do? Vote? Protest? Build a bunker out of kombucha bottles? I’m genuinely asking, because I'm starting to think my therapist is as lost as I am. And he charges $200 an hour!
(Sighs, rubs forehead)
I guess all we can do is, “eat the rich”. Which is tough, because I am, like, a vegan. What am I going to do, eat a veggie burger made of money? What about that “Green New Deal” that everyone was going on about? It was totally abandoned by both parties, but hey… Maybe we should send Trump a strongly worded tweet about it. That always seems to work.
It is the end, I am telling you. This is going to get worse than it is getting any time soon. I am putting this on youtube, and it is going to get maybe 5 views. Maybe this means something for the future? (Shrugs)
Okay, bye guys. Stay… chaotic, I guess. (ShadowComic wanders offstage, scrolling through TikTok)