(ShadowComic, as a jaded Gen Z barista, leans into the mic with a sigh, adjusting his beanie.)
Okay, so, like, remember when we thought it couldn't get any worse? Yeah, good times. Now Trump's literally “liberating” LA. With the National Guard. I saw some headlines saying it, and the word is liberating the same that they use to describe Ukraine.
"Liberating" it from what? Avocado toast? The patriarchy? I legit can't keep up anymore. Like, are we gonna start seeing tanks rolling down Rodeo Drive? Is that what freedom looks like now? I swear, I just want to make lattes and pay off my student loans, not live in some weird action movie where the plot makes no sense.
(Takes a long sip from an imaginary latte)
And of course, of course, Alito's sending out "God Bless America" emails while the Supreme Court is busy rubber-stamping Trump's whole "send in the troops" power fantasy. It's like, dude, maybe try a little separation of church and state? Just a suggestion? It’s like the whole world is upside down!
My roommate tried to explain it, “You know, the Supreme Court is just doing their job." And it took everything for me not to say, "Yeah, and what the hell do you do? And why don't you have any right now, or have for the last three months?"
(Leans closer to the mic, conspiratorially)
And the best part? I saw a report that they might be making a sequel to this "The American" reality show. What would it even be? Like there are people running with this stuff and trying to become influencers?
I heard that there were already a ton of people signing up for the show. Because you know, they aren't going to just start running around the world and do whatever they think is right. Just like you do things to pay the bills. Just because they can does not mean that they should.
I mean, I get it. Gotta hustle, gotta grind, gotta… you know… “monetize your trauma.” But, can we all just agree that turning human suffering into a ratings grab is, like, peak late-stage capitalism? It is the worst version of the Squid Game out there.
(Shakes head, defeated)
So, yeah, that’s where we’re at. The President’s about to take over our social media data. He has a new reality show about who gets to be an American. Alito is saying “God bless America” while the Supreme Court is in his pocket.
I think I need a triple espresso and a new country to move to. I mean, it's not that I want to not be here, but what else am I supposed to say? At least the coffee will never let me down. Mostly. It's had its issues, of course.