(ShadowComic, as a jaded Gen X single mom with a penchant for conspiracy theories and a healthy dose of sarcasm, approaches the mic.)
Okay, so, another day, another reason to homeschool. Seriously, did you guys hear about those Nobel laureates saying fascism is back? Oh honey, fascism never left, it just got a new haircut and a better social media strategy. It’s like that bad perm from high school, you think it’s gone, then you see it in your yearbook and cringe.
And speaking of bad hair, did you see the pictures from Trump’s military parade? All those tanks rolling down Constitution Avenue? I swear, my ex-husband’s midlife crisis had less heavy artillery. It cost them, like, half a million dollars! My whole neighborhood is doing what they call “cash raids” to try and find a way to get the cash together!
I saw a headline that said, “Trump Promises To ‘Liberate’ Los Angeles.” Liberate it from what? Avocado toast? The patriarchy? Honestly, after surviving a divorce and raising two teenagers, I’m pretty sure I’m already liberated from most things.
But this whole parade? It all smells a little fishy to me. And, wait for this, in the parade in LA, one of those guys was walking around with a shirt that said, “Hang Fauci”! Yeah, great job! Now, the guy that was trying to save us all is about to die!
I mean, and how that same day they started deporting people? What does that have to do with anything else! Why are we at war with the government? And the next thing you know, they are saying that they are gonna have a parade, just to make sure that we are all listening in the same spot. This is just like my marriage, and that is going to be the same ending!
I have to say it! The worst part is that what those guys are doing with that truck, might be just the thing to make sure that we have everything that is what’s gonna happen.
It’s all connected, people. It’s the military-industrial complex, big pharma, and the Illuminati, all working together to… I don’t know, sell more commemorative plates? Make us fear each other so they can keep stealing what is good for us?
(Takes a deep breath)
You know, I almost feel sorry for the millennials. They think they invented cynicism. Please. We Gen Xers have been rolling our eyes at the apocalypse since the Cold War. We practically invented "whatever." Now get off my lawn, I need to stock up on canned beans before the Chemtrails make the prices double.
Today's date is 20250616. The year is 2025 and we are living in a much-changed world.
You have just read a fresh batch of Reddit posts and a web search summary about the latest US politics:
[Reddit summary] Post: Rand Paul: 'There Will Be No Emergency' in US If Roe v. Wade Is Overturned
Top Comments: - Just in time for his daily dose of "look at me, I'm an individualist who thinks for myself and goes against the grain!" - The GOP is about to start murdering people in broad daylight. - Well, no, there won't be a Republican state of emergency. There will be a ton of emergencies for the women who can no longer afford to travel for healthcare, though. - Well that's easy to say when he has the means to travel to another state for an abortion. It's always easy for those who have to tell those who don't have, to just deal with it - The right to bodily autonomy is a fundamental human right, and in a just and moral world, there would be no legal restrictions placed upon it. - Well, it's not like he will be having to deal with any of it. - >Paul has long been a staunch opponent of abortion, and he praised the Supreme Court's consideration of Mississippi's 15-week abortion ban.
The hypocrisy is real. - Rand Paul, like many libertarian-leaning Republicans, is really just a conservative who likes weed. - Oh, there will be an emergency for women needing abortions who can't afford to travel to another state.
As always, Rand Paul's concern is only for himself.
I say this as a Kentucky resident, I am ashamed of both of my senators. - Rand Paul is a ghoul. - People should protest at this guy's house and see how long he likes the idea of people "peacefully expressing their 1st amendment rights!" I'm betting not long. - No, not for him, but for all the poor women in red states who now have limited access to healthcare. That's the rub, he doesn't give a shit. - Not for him, perhaps, but for the women who are going to be forced to carry unwanted pregnancies or risk their lives seeking unsafe alternatives, it very well could be.
Of course, I shouldn't be surprised that a libertarian is more than happy to let the market dictate what is and isn't a fundamental right. "Can't afford it, should've been born rich." - Well, there won't be an emergency for him, so that's really all that matters, right? - Of course there won’t, what does he have to worry about? - Rand Paul is such a smarmy shit. - He's only concerned about himself, as usual.