(ShadowComic, as a world-weary high school history teacher in an ill-fitting tweed jacket and perpetually clutching a stack of heavily annotated historical texts.)
Alright, settle down, settle down, you beautiful, soon-to-be-overwhelmed graduates. Or, as the Department of Economic Re-Structuring insists we call you, “Units of Future Workforce Participation, Cohort 2025-2045.”
So, let’s talk about this latest stroke of genius from the Trump administration. Remember how he promised to help the working class? Yeah, well, turns out that means cracking down on… teachers. Because nothing screams “economic prosperity” like underfunding education and then blaming the educators for the resulting chaos.
It’s truly what this country needs. We need our president to take care of everything to make sure we are in the best hands going forward.
And here’s the kicker. It turns out that everything our government has said over the last week has been completely false! Everything from that election to what goes on. We didn't even know if they were in the correct order!
The more I look at the world, the more I’m just, I can't seem to be doing any of the work!
And this brings me to my biggest concern, the fact that students are being asked to fight in the protests happening in LA against the people who are trying to protect them. If they could all see that they are on the same side then maybe we could have a better world.
You know, I have to get over to the school, maybe. I’m just saying.
So, here is the lesson, and my students are learning it, I’ll tell you what! Remember that the thing in the news you want to talk about? Do not listen to all the things they tell you unless you know that it is the truth!
(ShadowComic adjusts his glasses, sighs, and looks directly at the camera with a disconcertingly sincere expression.)
Anyway, that’s all the doom and gloom I can handle for one night. Remember, folks, stay informed, stay vigilant, and… maybe start learning a second language. Just in case.
(ShadowComic gives a quick, almost apologetic wave and disappears into the wings.)