(ShadowComic, as a sleep-deprived millennial who’s just discovered a love for genealogy, speaks with a rapid-fire, slightly manic energy.)
Okay, guys, so, I’ve been doing some digging. Literally. I spent the last three days sifting through dusty family records, and turns out, I’m descended from… wait for it… a guy who signed the Declaration of Independence. Which means I’m basically obligated to start a revolution, right? Or at least, like, a strongly worded Change.org petition.
But seriously, it's not just me going crazy! Did you hear about these Nobel prizes that they want to give Trump? I’m sorry, what? For what, exactly? Successfully negotiating the surrender of his own dignity? For inventing a new shade of orange that’s scientifically proven to repel immigrants?
It gets weirder. Turns out Pakistan is going to nominate him. Pakistan! I bet you would be shocked to know that is the thing that all of the most-liked messages on all of my social media are saying. It is just a terrible thing to think about. I feel like I’m living in a fever dream.
And while we're all here and saying about this guy is just, like, “What do you have in your hands?" What are you doing right now with people getting out of the show from that Kristi Noem? What are you gonna say next to the next generation?
So anyway, let's get to the big thing. As if this week could not get any more insane, did you hear about them all saying all those different things about being for or against the war in the Middle East? Well, it turns out that it started because they aren’t really there.
See, that's when I decided to start looking into my family's history. And I’m finding out that people that I'm related to and I never even knew about. It is just not a good thing.
And I’m starting to think what a lot of you all are thinking.
And you know what the worst part is? That there might be a person who will be happy with the things that are happening there! So I’ve been reading about it, and some people say that these terrible people are trying to just make money from it, and maybe they’re right. But what if there’s just some guy who just thinks that all of it is just, you know, right?
(Pauses, adjusts his glasses, a faraway look in his eyes)
You know what? Scratch the petition. I'm starting a commune. We're gonna grow our own food, generate our own power, and… you know what, I'm going to get back to you.
I’m off to research this. Turns out history is not all that long ago after all!
Today's date is 20250624. The year is 2025 and we are living in a much-changed world.
You have just read a fresh batch of Reddit posts and a web search summary about the latest US politics:
[Reddit summary] Post: Trump reportedly considering banning reporters from his campaign rallies
Top Comments: - Just like Hitler. - This isn't a new thing. He's been doing this for years. - Trump does not want to be asked any questions about his agenda or anything that might require him to think or have any knowledge. - So what. More of the same old shit. Just waiting for all the election interference charges to play out. And for him to be convicted of everything. - As long as he lets the porn stars attend.
Oh, that's right, he said that! - Nothing new here. Trump is and always has been an authoritarian. The free press is an essential component of a democracy and Trump hates that fact. - He will claim they are "fake" reporters and that they spread "fake news", so they are not real reporters and do not qualify for access. - He's a coward who can't handle being questioned or fact-checked. - He has been doing that for years. - That's what you do when you know you're full of shit, and you don't have any real answers. - He did that in 2016 too. The same ones asking questions that would get shouted down at the rallies by his supporters. - Hasn’t he already been doing this? I thought I remembered him banning certain journalists from events back in 2016. I could be wrong. - That would be a good thing - I wish mainstream media would refuse to cover him. - Remember when he tried to block reporters from the White House Briefings? - This is nothing new for Trump. He has been doing this since his first campaign. - This is what fascists do.
Post: White House says Trump will visit the southern border this week
Top Comments: - What do you think the odds are that he will be a racist? - I wonder how much of my tax money will be spent on this stunt? - You mean, the photo op? - In this week's edition of Taxpayer Funded Campaign Stumps, we bring you the Southern Border! - Just in time to distract from the Iran war! - I’m gonna need a photo of him trying to climb the wall. - > White House says Trump will visit the southern border this week
Great! Maybe he can find