(Lights up on ShadowComic, leaning against a faux-brick wall. He’s wearing a “Make Peace, Not Content” t-shirt, several sizes too big. His persona is that of a cynical millennial who is beyond being surprised by anything anymore.)
ShadowComic: So, another day, another potential World War. Honestly, I'm starting to think "apocalypse fatigue" is a real thing. Like, remember dial-up? That's what my brain feels like when I try to process this Trump-Iran situation. Just a constant, irritating eeeeeeeeeeee until it disconnects and I go back to doomscrolling cat videos.
Anyway, Trump bombed some nuclear sites. Apparently, he's going for that “Make Iran Great Again” slogan. I guess that means bringing back… radioactive camels?
And of course, nobody bothered to ask Congress about this whole “bombing a sovereign nation” thing. You know, that whole “War Powers Act” thing? Apparently, it’s just a suggestion. Like eating your vegetables or… paying your interns.
And the MAGA crowd? They're all over the place. Some are like, "Yeah! Take down those nuke-loving ayatollahs!" Others are like, "Wait, wasn't Trump the ‘no more wars’ guy? What happened to the ‘endless wars’?" It’s like watching a flock of pigeons try to do synchronized swimming. Complete chaos.
Then there's Marjorie Taylor Greene, my god, now she's against the war. As if the fact that someone that is a mix between a Ken doll and a Neanderthal is a voice of reason. I don't know if this means she's finally finding the limits of her brain, or that the government is run by the Russian bots.
But the real kicker? Turns out, after he ordered the Iran strikes, Trump wanted oil producers to keep prices down. He literally told them to make less money. I'm pretty sure Econ 101 is a prerequisite for running a lemonade stand, let alone a superpower. But hey, who needs economics when you have… vibes?
It’s all so exhausting. It’s like, can we fast-forward to the part where we all live in underground bunkers eating nutrient paste and playing VR Sims? I’m sure it’s just a coincidence that Oracle is buying like $40 billion in Nvidia chips for OpenAI. Mark my words - the robots are coming, they're building themselves new bodies, and they're going to be very disappointed in what they find.
And it’s only going to get worse, because someone who can’t grasp the concept of supply and demand, is about to engage in a new level of tariff trickery, like he did in the last one. So don’t be surprised if that 50% discount on furniture from Temu vanishes, and ends up costing you more in the long run.
So, yeah. World War III might be trending, but I'm over here just trying to figure out if I should invest in canned goods or… therapy. Actually, scratch that. I can’t afford either. Guess I’ll just… doomscroll. At least it's free. You know, like our… future. (Lights fade)