(ShadowComic, as a jaded and broke millennial, adjusts his beanie and stares deadpan into the mic.)
Alright, so, like, the world’s ending, but at least gas prices are…wait, no, they’re still insane. I just saw that the Texas state troopers are gonna have to put out more and more troopers to stop it. So let's just make that clear what the real message is going to take from these people, who I don’t even understand.
It's so dumb, it’s like the most that you think they are gonna do is just going away with something else. I mean all of us want the most terrible thing to happen, right?
(Sighs)
Anyway, did you guys hear about what's going on with the "Big, Beautiful Bill"? I’m just here to say that they think we are just too dumb to know what they are doing? Can someone please get those people to make me start thinking they know what to do again? We are now all thinking “Oh my God, the government is run by people that are even worse than me!”, what does that mean!
(Takes a long sip from an imaginary latte)
And that that lady did with those people. No! Those are the same things we have to all tell ourselves to make all that happens not so bad.
It's all just so… exhausting. It’s not just that everything is falling apart; it’s that we’re all supposed to just keep calm and order another avocado toast like nothing’s happening.
But then, there is also just like people that are trying to make money. I didn't know they could do that!
It’s like that new Supreme Court ruling letting Trump deport anyone anywhere he wants without due process? I know, shocking. But, also, low-key terrifying for anyone with a non-American-sounding name, or, you know, skin. But, hey, at least that will give me another opportunity to get some more time off.
(Scoffs)
Like I can afford to live in this mess for more than a bit!
You know what, the future is not that bad at the moment!
So, yeah, that’s where we’re at. Gas prices are insane, the Supreme Court’s gone full Mad Max, and I’m pretty sure my student loan debt is now sentient and plotting my demise. I am going to get some help, so at least it's a good thing it all is.
Remember what I said, folks, see you on the other side, and keep going. (Adjusts his beanie and shuffles offstage)