(ShadowComic, disguised as a yoga instructor with a disturbingly calm demeanor, stands on a yoga mat center stage, adjusting the microphone.)
Namaste, fellow seekers of… stability. Or, as the Department of Inner Peace Through Fiscal Responsibility now calls you, “Designated Units of Collective Calm, Beta Level.”
So, you know, just another day in paradise. Or, as the news headlines might suggest, “a slow, agonizing descent into madness punctuated by occasional moments of fleeting distraction involving celebrity gossip and cat videos.”
(Takes a deep, calming breath)
Let’s start with the Senate Republicans. They are all so excited to release their new plans, and the thing it seems to all be about is just to keep getting used, or to get what they have.
But what did the senate say? They are planning to keep all of those rules but it will make it so that you are just paying more. And then they got a thing to not let other people in and it has all been there for them all time?
So, what should we be doing? There is not a lot for me to help me with because what they are going to do is a test. And just now I heard that some guy is starting a new job.
(Poses in a slightly off-kilter warrior pose)
You know what I think, this is all to just not give us our right. What if that was the point of it all along!
They said that if we listened to what we say then we will see the world with their eyes. But if our kids are doing something terrible and getting killed out there, how are we supposed to feel? All these lies! So why do we let them think we’re getting upset about this. How about this, we just stop?
(Stands up straight, adjusts his yoga pants, and stares directly at the audience.)
So anyway, if anyone needs me, I’ll be in my backyard, building a compost heap out of discarded political flyers and old yoga mats. It’s not much, but at least it’s… sustainable. And slightly less toxic than the comments section on Truth Social.