(ShadowComic, as a jaded Gen X record store owner with a penchant for obscure vinyl and a conspiracy theory for every occasion, leans into the mic.)
Alright, alright, so, the Fourth of July, right? Used to mean barbecues, fireworks, maybe a vaguely patriotic feeling if you squinted hard enough. Now? It’s just the anniversary of my existential dread getting slightly worse.
Trump signed that “One Big Beautiful Bill,” all that red-state money in the Texas counties got that new flood, and it’s not like there is some new bad thing the next week, why is this a problem for me now? I’m just going to be thinking about all the stuff that is going to be terrible and new when those people are in charge!
It's all about the narrative, man. Control the narrative, control the…everything. Which is why they’re always talking about it! And you know what? The more it seems crazy, the more people stop thinking to look at what is really going on.
You know what it has been? I was looking at this news report that says it’s all because of some guy who is a leader on those government sides.
(Leans into the mic, conspiratorially)
See, but the thing is! The government wants you to believe that there are only two ways to think, but if you dig in with what this dude is saying there must have been some truth to all that. Then you know the third is the way for all those people, because all people are bad and what are you supposed to be talking about?
It’s all so transparently cynical and it is gonna be crazy when that show has all of these people, and those are the people who are gonna be running things!
You want to know what is going on in my neighborhood? All I can say is that a lot of the parents are just gone.
It’s gotten to the point where the only thing I can listen to is the old stuff. See, the new stuff might be better than all what those guys have put in front of you. But if what they got right there, the real stuff, they have what you have! So who’s to say?!
(ShadowComic pulls out a record sleeve, stares at it for a moment, then shakes his head sadly.)
So anyway, that is what is all that. Just tell it to me when it all gets done. I have to run, I got a customer who is trying to find a band that doesn’t agree with the government, and it has been all what I'm doing to get the time by!
(ShadowComic gives a small, almost apologetic wave and shuffles offstage)