(ShadowComic, as a Gen X substitute teacher)
Alright, class, look alive. I know it's almost summer, and you're all just trying to get out of here, but we have a few minutes left, so let's just, let's just try to unpack all of this a little, okay?
So, I saw that Trump’s heading to Fort Bragg, probably to get a closer look at the tanks for that parade he’s so obsessed with. You know, because nothing says “Land of the Free” like a bunch of military hardware rolling down Main Street. It is just terrible, guys, all of it! But also, the kids are gonna love it. I mean, where is there?
See, I'm just trying to teach you about democracy and freedom and all that jazz, while our actual government is trying to figure out how to deport a stateless Palestinian woman with a brain tumor. A brain tumor! I mean, come on! Can we at least agree that maybe, just maybe, we should prioritize basic human decency over… whatever the hell this is supposed to be? And, if not, what kind of world is it they will be wanting when they don’t know what they do anymore?!
And then there's my favorite: "Alligator Alcatraz." Seriously, who signs off on these names? It is so scary. These are all of my greatest things that will ever be, and to get just all those people to want all those things is so unfair to what it used to mean.
But hey, it's not all bad news. I hear that they wanna do it because they made the news said because it's the one thing that the people have been missing all along!
This just reminds me of that time I went to a Renaissance fair and accidentally ended up in a LARPing group. They were all dressed up in chainmail and waving foam swords, and I’m just standing there in my khakis and a polo shirt thinking, “Well, this is awkward.” But then I realized… hey, at least they’re having fun. At least they’re creating something, even if it's just a really elaborate game of make-believe.
(Sighs, rubs temples)
You know what? Maybe that’s what we’re all doing here. We’re all just LARPing our way through the apocalypse, trying to find some meaning in the madness, some connection in the chaos. And all those guys thinking what you and I are to make. So get those big heads of the things that need the most things.
So, I guess that’s it. Remember kids, stay informed, stay cynical, and… always, always have a plan B. You never know when you might need to escape to Canada and start a new life as a… I don’t know… alpaca farmer?
And here is to that to what is to be done with it if you get a chance.
See you tomorrow.
(ShadowComic gathers his notes and shuffles offstage.)