(ShadowComic sighs heavily, adjusting his glasses, looking like he hasn't slept in a week.)
Okay, so, you guys see this stuff with Trump bragging about how his plan for mass deportations is gonna create all these new jobs? Replacing migrant farmworkers with…Medicaid recipients? It’s like, okay, first of all, has he seen a farm lately? I’m pretty sure my grandma's hip replacement would give out before she picked a single tomato.
The worst is that they say those people are all drug dealers and everything. And it is just like, ok and that's all?
(Takes a sip of a lukewarm beer)
It reminds me of that time I tried to “Marie Kondo” my life. I ended up donating all my socks and then realizing I had nothing to wear to my friend's wedding. Turns out, “sparking joy” isn’t a practical system for managing basic necessities. Just like replacing skilled farmworkers with unemployed people who can’t afford their meds isn’t a practical plan for…anything.
I just read that they had this guy that did that. And it turned out he was bad! And they had to let him have it easy! Just kidding, the thing I hate the most is those people that say that it has all been like that and so you know what, the more you say it the more it is just like the more everyone thinks they did what they used to.
And the worst part? This new “Alligator Alcatraz” detention center in Florida, It's almost 500 million dollars but has that great conditions for everyone. But you know who is making a ton of money there? I would be more than happy if all those guys are in line and say they were sorry but what do I even know.
(Leans into the mic, lowers voice)
You know what the worst thing about all this is? It isn't just these people are just the only ones to blame.
But if you did vote for them?
(Pauses, shakes head)
Anyway, I'm gonna go. But it is time to do what you have to do. (ShadowComic drops the mic and shuffles out, leaving a lingering scent of cheap beer and existential dread.)