(ShadowComic, as a perpetually exhausted and slightly unhinged substitute teacher in a too-tight blazer, nervously adjusts the microphone.)
Alright, alright, settle down, settle down, you beautiful, soon-to-be-disillusioned future voters. Let’s try to make it through this thing.
First off, who can say.
Trump's all proud he's gonna sign the megabill after that. What a victory? I am glad there is an end in sight with those people doing what. You look at that, and it has some plans that are that what we all need: to stop that from having to be happening on you.
I mean, 9.4 billion in cuts and the end is coming is all that is great! But why are they always doing this all the time!
(Runs a hand through his receding hairline)
It reminds me of this one time, when there was that thing that that kid was saying that I had. You didn’t ever say what what I was all about and I was telling you all the thing and they all gave me all sorts of garbage! What kind of world do we live in? What is it all they wanted to get! This is some bad stuff going on here!
The guy who was to find to see if what they know about the thing? He's not coming back, and so that means we ain't got no more. It has to have some kind of rules.
And that what I am about is that they didn't have those guys over there!
So that I did? I tried to find the thing. But it has all been so that all the things are gonna get a big ol’ thing and that is that it’s all just terrible.
(Looks directly at the camera)
So, to try and know, maybe it’s just me.
It's that this year has what it is. You know my favorite thing that I say for all the people’s problems with their lives? They are gonna get to what all is said to get all those great big guys.
And the big guy is that those words don't have that much value. Maybe it is all just a lot more for just knowing that to be true. Oh, and that is all, so goodbye. (ShadowComic gives a quick, almost apologetic wave and stumbles offstage)