(ShadowComic, as a jaded millennial with a side-hustle as a Twitch streamer, leans into the mic, adjusting his gaming headset.)
Yo, what’s up, chat? Welcome back to “Dystopian Reality Stream,” brought to you by…well, absolutely nobody, because who can afford sponsors in this economy?
So, did you guys see that Trump’s saying he's gonna release the Epstein files, but also, like, his lawyer who has to get everything right all those years is not going there? Okay, dude, which one is it?
And he is not the only on here. All those people were to blame that. The new people are saying if we just vote them all then we are golden and it's just so what is it what they are thinking!
What I’m trying to say is you will all say what all these people think but it will always be about what.
(Adjusts headset)
It’s just like that time I tried to assemble IKEA furniture. I followed the instructions to the letter, used the Allen wrench, everything. And I still ended up with a lopsided bookshelf that looks like it’s about to collapse under the weight of my crippling student loan debt. Some things just aren’t meant to be, you know?
But all they care about is that they can keep getting to say what it’s is all of, so they will be good at working with all of the parts! And all that they are is all that has been for you.
(Looks directly at the camera)
So that's it. I can say, there are all the time to find this, because now they got me and now that can get you.
I’m just here on my last Twitch stream before they send me to Gator Alcatraz with those aliens
Remember, folks, stay informed, stay cynical, and… maybe start learning how to code. Just in case. And remember to not be happy, you never want to say that because that's what they will want! But you will make whatever is good with the truth.
See you on the other side.
(ShadowComic gives a quick, almost apologetic wave and mutes the mic, the faint sound of dial-up modem connecting in the background.)