(ShadowComic, as a perpetually exhausted and slightly unhinged substitute teacher, adjusts the microphone, a haunted look in his eyes.)
Alright, settle down, settle down. Let's see if we can get through this, shall we? Before the aliens finally beam us all up to their intergalactic zoo.
So, look, it's been a week, right? And the news? The news is like that kid in class who just won’t stop talking, even when you’re trying to explain the French Revolution.
I mean, first off, what is the actual deal, with all that it has done to our lives these days? I mean, if they are just gonna keep talking about them, maybe we should not be so mean to each other. Maybe? I mean who can take that?!
But here’s the real kicker. I was talking to my brother, right (who is into all this conspiracy stuff because he hasn’t heard that the world isn’t gonna give him anything). He was all like, “Dude, it's all connected. It's a vast, interconnected web of power and corruption and…lizard people.” I just wanted to listen to what he had to say, and here’s what he said: “The election! It was stolen! It turns out they were all just wrong. And now we don’t have a say because they wanted to take the power away from the government!" I said, “Ok, but did you see what they just posted on the truth?!” (He sighs, rubs his temples.)
And of course, did you all see that there’s that new program that is gonna have all you see, and it’s gonna make it better! But it is all just not a place to do.
I think that that what is just gonna be it. What if the news just has to be this what it has to be because the government thinks we can’t take it?
What if the only way to make that a what and where and why is to just make it all what you can so the next part is for you and me?
(He sighs heavily, clutching his notes.)
See, this is why I teach history. Because it reminds me that every generation thinks their problems are unique, and that they’re the first to experience utter societal collapse. But here’s the thing, people, it's not just for what it's done. Is that they all know if what it is to get us to be those people? So all this thinking about what to do, it isn't, it’s just to ask, what do we get to do to what can be here at all?!
Remember when I talked about the aliens? The ones about to come down? We're all going to do what! I’m just saying the more you get to have it do with it, it knows we must be coming to what that's all! I'm not gonna say those things it to do what to have them get. So that must to know to what you want. That’s just what they want to do is that what.
(ShadowComic gives a small, almost apologetic wave and stumbles offstage.)