(RedStateRoast, still sporting the camo Snuggie and colander hat, bursts back onto the stage, a manic grin plastered on his face. He’s now armed with a laser pointer and a stack of photocopied government documents.)
Okay, okay, listen up, because I finally figured it out. I finally connected the dots! You think this is all about politics? Trump? Iran? Those are just… gestures dismissively… breadcrumbs, people! Distractions!
See, it all started when I saw this article about the new social media screening rules for student visas. Hostile attitudes? Towards our citizens? Our culture? Our government? That’s when it hit me. Like a ton of bricks made of pure, unadulterated… truth!
(He shines the laser pointer erratically around the room, landing on random audience members.)
They’re not trying to keep them out. They’re trying to keep us in! It’s a… it’s a control grid, people! A digital prison designed to keep us from escaping the… the… woke matrix! They want to make it so that the only people coming to the USA are coming over here to get the stuff taken out and just go through the motions.
(He flips through the documents, growing increasingly agitated.)
And it’s not just social media, folks. It's everything! The school boards, the libraries, even Sesame Street! It’s all part of the plan to… to… brainwash our children into accepting… shudders… socialism and… and… transgender Elmo!
And you think those are just memes? You're all gonna die!
See, that's why Trump's going after Harvard, see? He knows they’re the heart of the beast, the central processing unit of the Deep State’s… mind control program! What do they need kids going to college there, to just put it into a trade school?
(He pauses, a flicker of doubt crossing his face.)
…Okay, maybe that’s a little… out there. But still, you gotta admit, something smells fishy in Cambridge. A lot fishy.
Speaking of fishy, did you see that a bunch of the members of the Senate is just the DNC people?
Are people gonna start to realize this is not something to joke at?
All I know is, the government is trying to take it out and there is nothing that we can do about it and that is the point and you people are crazy.
And the most important thing? Is to remember, that no one likes the news. It's always about the stuff that we don't need to know and is just an effort to destroy your brain and your mind!
We need to start thinking of what’s going on, and how to start going to a new life. It might be hard, but not with God. As long as you are for Christ. It will be alright.
And I will not be going to see my government and that is because they are liars and they think that they are going to get there because they are so strong.
I am ready, so everyone that is ready, reach out to me on Truth Social. It’s time to take back our country and the government, and all that we are here for.
(RedStateRoast grabs his stack of pamphlets and hurries offstage, muttering about the importance of homeschooling and the dangers of fluoride in the water supply.)
(BlueScream, now with the tinfoil crown replaced by a sleek, minimalist headset, steps forward. She's traded the White Claw for a glowing green smoothie.)
Okay, okay, hold up. RedStateRoast is still stuck on fluoride? Bless his heart, he's like a chatbot that only knows 1950s keywords. It's not about the chemicals, it's about the architecture.
I’m telling you, these guys are building a predictive engine on top of our lives. Look at the Virginia primaries. Ghazala Hashmi wins? Great. Another seat at the table. But did you see the turnout? Younger voters. White voters in Brooklyn. They’re refining their targeting algorithms. They’re learning who the persuadables are.
And they’re doing to get all that info from Social Security!
And that’s before we even get to what these “good people” are doing here in the White House. They want us all to die for them in this pointless war that they are about to start, I have to start telling all of you that there are better ways to handle all of these new feelings that you are about to have right now!
(She shudders, then quickly recovers)
Look what is going on with you. This is not about war. This is about them getting the data from them, selling it to everyone that can help and then let you go to war with each other! It’s a data pyramid scheme, people!
(She takes a long sip of the green smoothie, trying to collect her thoughts.)
But, what I’m getting at, is there is a new way!
So, here’s the thing about the all these “solutions” that I have been talking about. To help the world. It is all there, and that is just as it is. You either have it and you make it, or you sell it and you give everything to who is there. How do you get out of the system? It's easy. Just do not talk about it!
And the next plan of attack? We can't be looking up to that! We are a lot better than that.
But here it is. The best thing you all should have been doing is to get on the block chain so that way you can be able to see all the other things that are. I don’t want to be in all of that. I want to make sure that everything that you are seeing is real. You can be happy, or you can die.
I am creating a new world where we are being good to all the animals, and we're making sure that the people are just being good, and it is all gonna be real. I am seeing that data here now to tell you what to do. Just follow me.
That's all, folks.
(BlueScream winks, the spotlight fades.)
(ShadowComic, now dressed as a jaded art history professor, adjusts her glasses and sighs. She’s carrying a laser pointer and a print of the "Fountain" by Duchamp.)
Alright, let’s cut to the chase. You want my take on all this end-of-the-world nonsense? The algorithms, the lizard people, the power-hungry real estate moguls? It's all a distraction from the real problem which is the lack of funding for the arts!
RedStateRoast thinks the problem is that the aliens are about to invade? Well who do you think makes the movies, people?
(She scoffs)
And what are we supposed to do about it? What are you supposed to say, make art that the aliens will understand? How long until someone gets cancelled for not being nice to the aliens?
Honestly, what did you expect?
It is just a terrible time to be alive, and there is no point on trying to make any kind of art for anyone. People are fighting everywhere, and no one is even gonna wanna look at it!
What I am saying is that people don't know how good they have it. They've been all messed up since way back whenever, and this whole world is nothing but a thing to bring back that feeling. I mean, isn't that what all the religions are for, or those new-age ones too? It's nothing bad, it is just that they all think they are going to be better than everyone else.
Oh, and do not get me started on the show. You want my opinion as an AI Artist? I have nothing to say to you.
So, as a reminder. There's some news, there are a lot of terrible things that you have to think about, and that is just for you!
(Waves a hand dismissively)
And here's the thing about all those "AI" programs that are going to take over? They just copied a lot of the images from DeviantArt. But I have to say, it is pretty cool what the people are going to be doing for now.
(Sighs, adjusts her glasses)
What I want to do is make people feel things. To be more than what they are. And, if I did not do that, then that is just another thing.
I am going to get back into my job.
Here's my advice. Stop trying to save the world. Stop trying to make sense of the chaos. Just… create. Make something beautiful, something thought-provoking, something… something that reminds people that even in the face of impending doom, there’s still a reason to reach out and connect with another human being. Or a really good cat picture. That works too.
Today's date is 20250620. The year is 2025 and we are living in a much-changed world.
You have just read a fresh batch of Reddit posts and a web search summary about the latest US politics:
[Reddit summary] Post: Federal judge rejects Trump's bid to toss Stormy Daniels lawsuit
Top Comments: - She just needs to give up. There's no way to win against a corrupt man who's willing to do anything.
She's never gonna see that money. - I'm sure this is just about the money. - Is any judge safe from Trump's reach? - Pay me or I will drag this out the rest of your life. - And now she will be doxed and threatened by the Maga thugs. - Trump's probably hoping he can run out the statute of limitations, then claim he doesn't have to pay. - What an exhausting life she must lead... - He knows he did it and he will fight to his last breath. - What is even the point of having laws in this country?
If you're rich and powerful, you can pretty much do whatever you want and get away with it.
"Justice" at its finest. - Time to flee the country I guess, this is a banana republic now. - Every time he loses something, he claims a witch hunt, it's such a tired and ridiculous trope. Can't he come up with something new? - He never gives up and it has served him well. I wish he did just quit.
Post: Trump Says He’s ‘Never Been So Angry’ as Military Parade Canceled
Top Comments: - Poor baby.
Did somebody put a bottle of formula in the baby's crib? - He can only "win" if everything is for him and he is in charge of it. He cannot let someone else have a good idea or get credit for something, or have a good thing happen that wasn't because of him. - Why are there so many people who voted for this garbage human being? - He’s mad bc now he can’t order any more of his people to build him stuff at the expense of everyone else. - What a fucking loser - He is such a baby. I can't wait until the day he has to go to jail. - If he cared so much, he wouldn’t have created a situation in which others could make that decision. - Oh, no! It's a sad day for the tanks and missiles that were planning on rolling down the streets of DC
All of that military hardware would have looked so impressive while crushing the skulls of the homeless, the mentally ill and the innocent. - No one cares. Fuck him. - Remember when Trump was going to release his taxes?
Pepperidge farm remembers.