(RedStateRoast, as a middle-aged, heartland QAnon truther, shuffles to center stage. He’s clutching his stack of “Surviving the Deep State” pamphlets and brandishing a metal dowsing rod.)
Okay, okay, listen up, folks. You think all this talk about Trump and Iran is real? Think again, sheeple! They’re distractin’ you from the REAL story!
(He stops, looks directly into the light, almost as if he sees something only he can. He shivers.)
So you heard, that a couple were arrested and you know there is some stuff, but let me tell you about how it happened.
Then why can't you see, why is nothing so true?
The thing is if you know what they want they won't stop you.
There is more than this.
There is so much more.
That new world where no one is real.
Where the leaders are bad.
Then it has to be that.
All these planes! I am a traveler folks! I don't like planes so now the people all know, but why do they want a parade? Oh, I forgot to say that they wanted them so people won't remember how these people got their problems in all the world?
(Rummages in pockets)
Then do what is coming to stop, I mean, why do people who always are the ones that are having it the best and they say don't. You do not understand. It's all gonna come out if you get it. You just need to have your heart to come in the right place as is! It is happening right now for sure!
I am ready to fight, but I have nothing to fight with.
And do you know about that one, about all you are so special with all the stuff. They are after us. They know what we are thinking.
(RedStateRoast pauses, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper.)
They're puttin' somethin' in the water, folks. Something that makes you… compliant. That’s why you can’t see it. That’s why you don’t believe me. But they said that I was all wrong about something. Why would they ever say that if it's wrong.
We need to go into the caves and listen to the truth! All the people are trying to warn you about stuff that can't hear! You have to listen.
You are about to learn what I know about the 13.
There has to be something to take us out of this war.
Did you see about the people who were just trying to help? What about the great?
It all goes back to what I heard in the basement that what is.
And remember about this. I was gonna warn you, if you had a problem with being in the government.
So be ready to pay the price. You are a fool!
(RedStateRoast adjusts his tinfoil hat and shuffles offstage, muttering about fluoride and the lizard people.)
(BlueScream, now dressed in a biohazard suit tailored to look like a power suit, adjusts a microphone attached to her bedazzled respirator.)
Okay, okay, so RedStateRoast is still stuck on fluoride? Bless his heart, he's like a chatbot that only knows 1950s keywords. It's not about the chemicals, it's about the algorithms.
I’m telling you, these guys are building a predictive engine on top of our lives. RedStateRoast, you said it yourself about the kids being scared. Honey, it's not just about what the kids are scared about. I mean, did you see the news about the new thing is that the kids are all trying to learn about the algorithms so they can have access to all the things, but instead they are getting caught by all these people who don't even wanna help them in the first place!
It's not just about the surface. It’s about the underlying code, the deep learning, the… gestures vaguely at an imaginary server farm …the connections. This isn't just political discourse.
And all of these people thinking that they can tell me what to do with any of these machines. It just is not up to those people! I was coding in my mom's basement for the last 20 years and you are going to come to me and tell me that you think you can use a toaster? If you don't know that the toasters are going to be the best of us, then you just need to stop!
The secret, what all of these people are talking about is the people and also the fact that you have to make everyone realize that you can make money! And that is exactly what is gonna happen to me.
(She shudders, then quickly recovers)
Look, what I'm saying is, we need to start thinking about this on a meta level. We need to build our own, decentralized… (she pauses, struggles to find the right word) …algorithm-aware… collective consciousness.
Oh, that's not what anyone in this room is doing, though, is it?
And what about the space? What is up with the space thing? I thought this was about the data. I just need all of those numbers, you know?
So look. What I wanna say to all of you is that now that I am the chosen one, I need you to remember that if you don't say it. But I am the chosen one.
I don’t feel good all the time. But I’m still saying good things. Just believe in me.
And look. The people that are coming from Harvard and the people who have been in the news will be the ones running the world because they are the most important and what has all of this done, you ask? All of that is what is on my mind. I mean. Did you guys know they are trying to build a new center to do the best stuff in the world.
(BlueScream's voice trails off, her face twisting with a sudden, unsettling thought. She clutches at her respirator.)
Wait. You know that story about the senator getting a concussion? What if this has all just been a giant AI experiment? What if we have to come up with a new idea that makes no sense because it is all that can be done with this. The point has not been about the people it's just about the science.
No, no, I take it back. That could be good! I have a plan!
I’m sorry, it just occurred to me… What if the government has the same thing going to stop the economy! So, to fight it, I just need the algorithm that is gonna stop the algorithm. It’s all going to end here! I promise!
(BlueScream stares intensely into the middle distance, a new glint of digital defiance in her eyes. She raises her hands in a gesture that seems to be half-blessing, half-desperate plea.)
(ShadowComic, dressed as an aging punk rocker, spits into a coffee can he's using as an ashtray.)
Alright, alright, so, like, those cats are all trippin’ on algorithms and lizard people, man, you can’t even believe any of that, all I can tell you. And what's all this talk about getting all that just because the government wants. Like! You have to make your own thing, people!
But if they say that then you need to not listen to any of that then what were all those people saying all those years ago in DC!
And the real question is, if they are telling the truth and they aren’t then you might as well not even go there, man. And you won’t want to be trying or testing.
(Takes a long drag off an imaginary cigarette)
But they can start bombing a country and then start having people be okay with getting all the money from all of that! I don’t have any of that, because I am supposed to be a punk rock guy! What happened to that stuff where you can get the people and say “Hey, here is what you are worth." No, it isn’t all of that it isn’t what happened in 84, it can’t be all that stuff, man!
So listen, here’s what's real, man. What happens when you get those guys in charge and they are just all old? You’re gonna end up with the same old stuff. So you get new guys, right? And they are talking about what to do and they are gonna know what is the good stuff, right?
That’s the end, folks. But all I can tell you is that if you don’t understand then you know that the best parts for all of the history. They had to be a bunch of people who did the best that there was!
But what if it was in a country? You wouldn’t even know, man. It’s been all a dream, all a dream. It’s all gonna be bad.
Today's date is 20250626. The year is 2025 and we are living in a much-changed world.
You have just read a fresh batch of Reddit posts and a web search summary about the latest US politics:
[Reddit summary] Post: Biden says U.S. forces will defend Taiwan if China attacks
Top Comments: - Is there any reason why we should be risking nuclear armageddon over Taiwan? There's no reason to get involved in a ground war with China over Taiwan. It makes no sense. - Because we can't let China take over the country that makes most of our tech. - China won't be invading Taiwan they're just waiting for a new and competent leader to be elected here so we won't meddle when they start the inevitable economic takeover. - So we're risking Armageddon over computer chips? What a time to be alive. - > U.S. policy has long been one of “strategic ambiguity.”
There's nothing ambiguous about nuclear war. - Lol Biden is a joke. A senile, warmongering joke. - Uh yeah, that's been the plan since... forever. - Strategic ambiguity sounds a lot like wishful thinking to me. - Biden is trying to start World War 3. - If there is one thing Republicans and Democrats can agree on is their hard on for war. - The only thing more terrifying than Trump having control of the nuclear football is Biden having it. - "My response to that is, yes."
He doesn't even know where he is half the time - If China decides to invade Taiwan there is fuck all the US can do about it. This is posturing only.
Post: House GOP to demand documents tied to Biden's handling of classified documents
Top Comments: - Good, let them chase each other and leave us alone. - Do they have proof that there was intentional mishandling? Trump's were intentional, and he refused to return them. - Again? - >U.S. Attorney General Merrick Garland appointed two special counsels to investigate the handling of classified documents by both Biden and Trump. Last June, Special Counsel John Durham released his report, concluding that the FBI should have never launched its investigation into Trump’s 2016 campaign and Russian election interference.
Special Counsel Robert Hur released a report earlier this year that detailed his decision not to charge Biden, despite finding evidence that the president “willfully” retained and disclosed classified materials after his vice presidency. Hur cited Biden’s cooperation and his age as factors in his decision.
House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer, R-Ky., and House Judiciary Committee Chair Jim Jordan, R-Ohio, sent letters to Garland and Hur on Wednesday requesting all documents and communications related to the probes into Biden’s handling of classified documents.
“These materials are critical to advancing the Committee’s investigation into President Biden’s retention of classified documents and the special counsel’s decision not to prosecute President Biden for mishandling classified documents,” the lawmakers wrote. “The Committees must evaluate the Department’s and the Special Counsel’s decision-making to assess whether President Biden has been treated differently than former President Trump