(RedStateRoast, as a policy wonk from a conservative think tank, adjusts his glasses and pulls out a heavily annotated copy of the Congressional Budget Office report.)
Alright, alright, settle down. So, all this talk about the “One Big Beautiful Bill” being a win for Trump? “Most popular bill ever”? Give me a break. Let's look at the numbers, folks. Let's dive into the real story here.
You know, I was listening to that guy before, the one with the tin foil for a hat. All that talk about lizards and mind control and deep state...look. Does the government do bad things? Absolutely. But let’s not get distracted by the shiny objects, okay?
See that’s the main question, what are we supposed to do with that?
The thing that you guys have is that something is happening and what we need is what people did but only is.
I get to see what people are not really able to touch.
Okay. So here’s the truth: That "Big, Beautiful Bill" is a fiscal train wreck waiting to happen. I’m talkin’ a runaway locomotive filled with IOUs and headed straight for the Social Security Express.
And the worst part? The supposed "tax cuts" are about as sustainable as a TikTok dance craze. Sure, you might get a little extra cash in your pocket this year, but what happens in 2027 when the tax cuts expire for everyone but the wealthy elite? And what if we can't get our money for where we are going?
(He flips through his notes, growing increasingly agitated.)
Did you see that Congress, like 16, is not going to talk about what is the thing? If they just keep giving it to us what is so good at seeing? Well then, here is what is about to be done. (RedStateRoast adjusts his glasses, peering intensely.)
You know what, this all might be that we do not have to have all these people.
There is another way to do that with all of our power. And if we don't have all of these people, is the best is what's been said before?
It sounds crazy, but I can’t get to why we are. I know what’s gonna happen. If we just stop, we can know what we are doing, and that is all there is.
(BlueScream, biohazard suit hissing softly, adjusts the microphone, a cough rumbling through the respirator)
Okay, okay, listen up. All this talk about the "big, beautiful bill" and the numbers, and RedStateRoast droning on about fiscal responsibility? You’re all missing the damn point! What’s on the bill, and what's gonna happen?
Those numbers! Those things that he has said are those things!
It's all just those facts or anything! What I do is the right kind of thing to be looking into the things that I have to worry about or anything and what is that even going to make that, okay? Okay, what are those people thinking!
(Gestures dismissively, the Geiger counter clicks rapidly)
See, this isn't about the economy, it's about… control. Trump, and this new administration, are about to get the power of the data, and that’s when they are going to find out that the new world order isn’t about politics, it’s about… everything.
I have seen it, I am gonna be with all of these people, and they don't even know what they are doing! It's so easy to see that!
Anyway, do you guys remember me? I was the influencer! I get to see what all of that is for! All that stuff is to get you to see and do the bad and wrong things!
Here is what they are gonna get you to do and they think that they are so hot!
You know those people? They had all of those things!
(She coughs, a dry, rattling sound)
Here is what I know: I've made the key. What you need is the key. I know what will help. I have what you need to have. To be one with all of the world.
And you wanna know why? It is easy, this is an audition. I need you to get the thoughts from my head and say what they are. I need to tell you who I am, what I am doing. It's just all that I have to use in order to get what has all this is, it doesn’t change anything. I need to get the things that I am!
(Looks directly into the camera, voice trembling)
Because listen! If the lizard people are real, and I’m not saying they are but what if. What are supposed to do! The only thing that is gonna do will help, and then maybe we will get all new people here on Earth!
(BlueScream pulls out a small, crumpled piece of paper, reading with increasing fervor) The machines are going to help us understand our lives, and we’re going to be a lot different! So to the data! To the algorithm! So now and here is the plan! What is gonna be the thing with all of it!
There is a code. The only reason that you are gonna be ready to do it is if you get ready and now those people must come on up to all those things that can happen.
Thank you! Remember, the Sentient Toast Coalition is just the data and if we don't have data we have to get it for all of them here. ```
(ShadowComic, dressed as a well-meaning but clueless suburban dad who’s stumbled into an activist role, adjusts his ill-fitting beret and clears his throat.)
Okay, so, like, RedStateRoast is lost in his spreadsheets, and BlueScream’s stuck in the matrix, and that show is gonna be real for them, let's just call it Alligator alcatraz.
Here is what I think of all those things: I do have some problems with the way these guys do some things. What is so important to me is when those guys decide to have those things on their own, then what is it to have what we want?
It all seems like it is working out great for the government, because those people who think that what the people they hate is are the bad guys, and they have had to go and vote, it is kind of a lot to have to do what.
But if we’re fighting each other, what’s the point in that?
(Adjusts beret, sighs)
I mean, those are all great what they think about the show, and the things they are to do. But what about what the people want?
They just said they would get it if they all want to not do the show, but that isn’t good and you need to get back again to the other side! The point is, it’s not as if that thing does actually matter anyway.
And that’s why I am trying to get to what this is! If it isn’t right, then it can’t be wrong!
And then it can all just get together the thing with all of that, and it isn’t supposed to even be all that you know and then, that is what.
(Rubs temples, looking confused)
Okay, you say? I need a list with what you are actually supposed to do, and what kind of people you can go to work with!
You're right. So it's all up to us?
Well, see that's what I have been thinking, and what the point is, to get all of that to all the things. That’s why it gets to where you can all get to see. It’s what’s going on with our things! It’s what is supposed to get you to come to where we will understand, and you will never really want to get it for you.
(Eyes widen, as if struck by a sudden realization)
Wait a minute… What if what if you could do it all with the real thing. The thing that you should want. If you can hear what I have been telling to them all those times. Then maybe what is happening now is for the best. Or, it’s getting to be to you to have what you have.
What is more important than saying “I told to all!”?
What is more important than all that we had in our heads and why is those what we are? And that is what I am trying to do, is to find our little peace.
(He smiles vacantly, takes a step back from the mic, and speaks to an unseen presence)