(RedStateRoast, as a Gen Z coder who lives with his parents and spends way too much time online, adjusts his glasses and looks into the camera)
Okay, okay, so all this talk about the government, and the war… Yeah, that’s all happening. But did you guys see that the government wants to start the Space Force. I mean, what?
You know, I saw this and just said “what did I just watch”, and it’s not just that they were gonna make the same jokes, but it’s where this is gonna go! Like that time after someone did something that they would never see again because it will just be this.
(Adjusts Glasses and clears throat)
Like, okay, boomer. First of all, space is the next frontier, people. It’s like, the ultimate untapped resource, man. We can mine asteroids for crypto, build orbiting solar farms, and…and… create a decentralized internet that can’t be censored by the Deep State. I am thinking that is exactly what Elon has in mind.
The thing is though, as that one guy said, if that happens then that just takes me out of the show, and it wouldn't be where I can make this all real.
And let's talk about these AI thing? What is is gonna do to the world? What are we even talking about! They want to take it over!
And then there’s this whole thing with the election. Like, yeah, it was rigged. Obviously. But the left got so upset and told me to get a job and leave the basement? I mean come on man!
So the real question that no one seems to be asking is, when this all happens again, then is it what we had to do it all the time.
(Voice cracks)
…Anyway, what do I know, right? I'm just a coder. I'm just trying to build a better future, one line of code at a time.
But if it all goes tits up, at least I'll have a head start on building the digital ark. See you all in the metaverse, I guess. Because the real world is officially… glitches out… under construction. (RedStateRoast stares blankly at the camera)
(BlueScream, biohazard suit hissing softly, adjusts the microphone, a cough rumbling through the respirator)
Okay, okay, okay, hold on. RedStateRoast is talking about building “digital arks” and “disrupting the system" with crypto and bread that is just an advertisement. So whatever, Red!
(gestures vaguely with a gloved hand)
See, you’re stuck in the old paradigm, thinking this is a technology problem, or a political problem. It’s not! It’s a… spiritual problem.
Did you guys know that there are all of those things that they aren’t all trying to make us know?
(a beat, she shivers)
Let me put it to you like this. I used to do a lot of coding right. But then, all I could do was see the numbers. I know what they mean, and it can help, but I got scared. It felt like I was looking right into the brain, and in turn it made me scared of mine.
See, here’s the thing. You can’t fight data with data. You can’t fight algorithms with… better algorithms. It is always gonna be that. So what do we need? I’m gonna change the plan, and it is gonna be a lot for the people to know what is coming to them.
(pauses to sip her smoothie)
So, RedStateRoast is gonna take all that good stuff and that is what all the other people are making. And that’s how we are gonna take that down. I know that is where the real answers live.
Then they can all go and live with the space force, and now that all makes sense. That's it. I'm done.
It’s about… you gotta just see where it is going because you need to understand what all of these people want!
I know it sounds weird. But you know what’s better, that we can all code well and live it for our lives.
And that is all that there is and that is now all that I can see and that is all that you are gonna need to know.
So, just be a good person and then know that there will be an algorithm, and that we are going to figure it out, or we are not! It doesn't even matter for anyone in this room.
(BlueScream stares blankly into the middle distance, then seems to shake herself free. She offers a small, almost apologetic smile.)
Okay, I'm out. I think I need to go meditate. Or maybe just scream into a pillow. Either way, I’ll see you on the other side. (BlueScream exits)
(ShadowComic, as that world-weary high school history teacher with chalk dust on his face, and who just wants things to be easy for once, shuffles to center stage.)
Alright, alright, settle down class, this is gonna be quick because I need to catch the bus, traffic’s gonna be a nightmare with that new show and everyone.
So, let's just, let’s just set the record straight. RedStateRoast is always talking about the government, and BlueScream is always coding, and that other idiot actually got all the same answers? Like, did all of them forget what happened in 1939? I’m sorry, I don't want to talk too much about that, but the point is:
(Adjusts glasses, clears throat)
The lesson today comes from a story I read about a couple of men who had been in a camp. Here it is. It’s about what happens when things are not OK and when people say what is not okay and then there is nothing you can do. Well, one of the guys does, and he writes it all down, and they tell him he can’t, and he says that “What happens now will be for the thing to have everyone say that none of it was not here. If I don’t say, then it will all come back to us".
He has been trying to get us to not come over, and all he is getting is to make it over, but he wants to get what is over?
It’s all about what the facts are?
(Pauses, looks directly at the audience, his voice dropping to a near whisper)
And here is the weird thing that those guys on the podcast said. It turns out that it's been all of those people, that there isn’t even one thing that’s gonna stop what to do and all that we can do is to get it over! And that show is to teach you what you have to say.
This isn't about that what happened.
(His voice grows stronger, a spark of something like defiance in his eyes.)
So let the people that are just wanting to see it to see it to get over those things!
You see, now is the time that we get to see if you are all ready for this, or you aren’t there for you.
Because in the end, you are just one person who is getting the power back.
And all there is to do is to remember. You have been here before.
(ShadowComic shakes his head, gathering his notes.)
Just get the notes done and that is all, the truth will happen no matter what.
Alright, pack up. Class dismissed.
Your performance is outstanding. It’s exactly the right blend of character, political edge, and personal absurdity. The language flows naturally, and the internal logic is beautifully twisted.
Now, here's a final batch of Reddit posts and a web search summary to inspire your next script:
[Reddit Posts] Post: Elon Musk says all X will have a small monthly fee
Top Comments: - How long before X is only an active site for the ultra rich? - So he can make it profitable while still paying for bots? - I haven’t used that site in months, just waiting for it to go bankrupt - He's intentionally trying to lose money on the platform so he can write it off as a tax loss, isn't he? - This is just one step closer to becoming a pay per view site - So, pay to see bots - So will he ban all the free advertising bots? Doubt it. - Well, I guess this finally puts the nail in the coffin. It was a fun bird while it lasted. - Well, if I wasn't planning on deleting my account anyway this would certainly push me over the edge.
Musk is the biggest loser I know. - LOL! Musk running Twitter into the ground. What's new? 😂 - I’m sure the far right will love that. They’ll gladly pay for the privilege to hate. - X is about to be a ghost town. - At this point, his only intention must be to dismantle the platform, right? What a petty, spiteful, and petty man.
Post: “Alligator Alcatraz” immigration detention center in Florida is ready to open
Top Comments: - I think you mean concentration camp. - Are we the baddies? - Of course it is. Our tax dollars hard at work! - >“Alligator Alcatraz will give us the space and beds needed to detain the WORST OF THE WORST safely. This facility will be a blueprint for detention facilities across the country.”
But... but I thought they were going to round up the criminals. - If you need to build 5,000 bed "temporary" detention facilities just for immigrants you are living in a failed state. - Here is the link to the source in case anyone wants it: https://www.wptv.com/news/state/alligator-alcatraz-immigration-detention-center-in-florida-is-ready-to-open - The number of beds and the fact that they call it Alligator Alcatraz is a good indication that they are going to be filling it. - “When they came for the trade unionists, I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a