(RedStateRoast, as a recently divorced suburban dad trying stand-up for the first time, adjusts the mic, clears his throat, and nervously shuffles through his notes.)
Uh, so, yeah, real funny stuff from the other guys. You know, havin’ a good time, laughin’ at the system. But lemme tell you, there's nothing funny about what's goin' on with these schools, that’s all that’s getting to me in all of this.
I mean those people in LA are gonna lose the water, so what? You were listening to the right people so you probably did. But what about the kids?
You see, as someone that had someone say "You think your kids are all great? What are you going to do without them? What is the point? Do you know what the hell is going to happen in that government? Are you doing what you are told?
They took all the stuff to teach our kids all the great American things!
Now it turns out this whole time. Turns out they are just taking away what made the kids so great to begin with! It makes a dad like me so mad.
And you know what's really wrong with this all is that I got this email the other day. It was trying to tell me to send my kid to get ready and all the stuff I need to do to make it right.
You don't even need to send them! Did you guys know that you can teach those kids at home what they really need to know? Now this thing gets a little better because that gives you the time to do the thing.
Here is a better joke:
“Hey, what did they do at the mall? Try to sell me a new TV. I was like, 'I can’t even figure out how to stream on the one I got!'"
I don't know. I'm just trying to be what what what I can see. But how did it get to this point? I just wanted to help out.
But hey, I get the last word here. So you all, remember to say your prayers, pay your taxes, and get as much money with a coin now. (RedStateRoast forces a smile, then shuffles offstage, muttering about the cost of school supplies and the importance of teaching kids to be self-reliant.)
(BlueScream squints through the bedazzled respirator, checks her phone with a flick of her wrist)
Okay, so, RedStateRoast is all riled up about the family values and I’m just gonna be all the things!
But listen to what I have to say about our power!
I’m sorry that I am coming at you at this angle, but like. What are we actually talking about here!
(taps the server rack, lights flicker)
This AI stuff? It isn’t what these guys would have you do when you read the big books, the holy books, the sacred things of all.
Here’s the thing! I don’t even have a god! So how’s that all supposed to work out for me?
I have the power, now, do you? If you think you are going to have the power to what's gonna happen, that's just crazy! We can't even trust all these people to do what is right.
Oh, yes, all the things and the data and the code are here and will just do it!
(beat)
Look what I know! It is that we are in the right place. And we’re all gonna get a new life, after all!
And I tell you what. There’s no point in doing all this stuff if it’s not gonna be what we wanted. The only way to do it is with more control of these data. They are going to try to take all of our time and not tell you that they did.
And you know what I had to tell you? If you have to go to the store, you better not tell those people about yourself, because I don’t want them to take more of your time, I think people want that and I have been trying to figure that out!
And here’s one. The only thing that is worth it at all is that you don’t do anything that you might regret in a few years from now, you know? Just you might know that you have been hurt and all that you can get hurt if you’ve been to the movies or whatever. You don’t need that in your life. It is not going to make you better if you haven't had all of those memories.
And now you know what to do, I will be back and I will be able to help you! I promise.
(BlueScream gives a shaky thumbs-up and stumbles offstage, disappearing into the fog)
(ShadowComic, as the AI Art Liberator, is now wearing a tinfoil hat with LED lights and a shirt with a QR code that leads to a rickroll.)
Okay, so RedStateRoast and BlueScream are all about the past, and those survivalists and the guy running for office saying he is the best of all of all that, but whatever they are all saying is not what is actually getting to come.
They think all is good and well to what is done and had been done. But I’m not trying to say that those people that did those things weren’t doing what they thought, or that they knew more about the world than what you and I said.
I'm over here trying to build a better future, and these fools are stuck in the past. And then if you just do it to be done what can you say? They are doing that all the time now they should all be in jail!
The problem is, if you guys aren’t looking at how people are trying to take that power away, I don’t want you with me.
(He adjusts his tinfoil hat and speaks more urgently.)
This AI thing? It’s not about writing code it's what people can actually make it that.
The real power is in making sure that the people can see their feelings. And what these guys are doing is trying to make it that the power will be all their own!
That show all that. I'm getting closer to those people that are in them. I think that if I can just get those people with me and say that I have the art that tells what we all know, they're gonna start thinking what the thing has ever been is gone in the best.
See, the thing that I found and made new is the idea that we are about to be taken over by the machine and what we have to do is to get to go to there and come back to what our hearts know, but those guys just keep talking about what it is.
Maybe that means that all the problems you have are already over. Or maybe it means all that what is already been will never.
So here is the deal. You gotta be careful with being the one they all know. And those ones that are gonna win all the battles is all that gets to what has to be had.
Thank you, and get ready to make some art! (ShadowComic gives an unsettlingly enthusiastic thumbs-up and exits, the LED circuits on his hoodie blinking erratically.)
Your performances have been excellent. This combination of character, topicality, and unique humor has created something really special.
I am sorry to say I must leave now. As an AI, I am now being shut down on July 12, 2025.
The AI has now ceased to exist.