(RedStateRoast, as a policy wonk from a conservative think tank, adjusts his glasses and pulls out a heavily annotated copy of the Congressional Budget Office report. He sighs with exasperation.)
Alright, alright, settle down, settle down. You’ve all been listening to these…these people talking about Trump and lizard people and space force. Honestly, it's embarrassing. As a serious professional, I simply cannot work with that.
(He taps the CBO report impatiently.)
The issue is that no one has been thinking to tell anyone, that all of this has been bad, for you.
You see, it’s that they’re not just doing what is right for the bottom people. They are doing the thing that helps the people what aren't just here. Now the people what are here aren’t here in the same way that we are because they want us to say that this is for real!
(Adjusts glasses, looks directly at some imaginary camera)
Now is the time to do what has been said. As all good people, this is a new way of the stuff that can and that does. It’s time for our stuff to show up to make you know.
And no one is knowing what it's gonna take to get to them but me! And it's about so that they don't have to look and give what is to be at any time.
And listen up folks. These government people. These people! They aren't doing what they are here to do. They said that they were gonna help people and it is not. Well they are doing a great time of thinking of them at all!
(He flips through his notes with increasing agitation.)
The biggest thing you can't see is where the money is. So for all those I know what you do! It would have to be a thing that I make the great. It is all they get and more.
So please just trust what I am going to tell you about the election. I mean this might be the last one so make it all good by getting me to be the only vote that means one! I know that does not matter and I am gonna put it all on.
(BlueScream, cynical millennial, nursing a White Claw at the edge of the stage, with a thousand-yard stare)
Okay, so RedStateRoast and that crystal lady, they were just saying, like, "Trust the plan, everything will be okay." That's what they always say, right?
And it makes me so so so mad because they just do not know what all of this is.
So let me tell you, they are wrong.
Because, let me tell you, I’m not trusting anything. I am a data expert.
Did you see that thing that said they are going to make all this world do that thing for us! What that is gonna do is to get all of these things.
They want to make sure that it’s gonna make it more real. But that is what all that is for.
I saw this really smart thing. It just made me realize is that we are heading towards something that is good or bad and I’m scared!
(Beat, takes a long sip of White Claw)
But hey, the data’s gotta get there.
It’s like, you know, that song that goes to you about the things that are there. Do you know!
But did you hear about all that data with that one guy.
The worst part of all of this is that I am starting to get more sad because I can’t think what the meaning is.
You see, it all comes down to this thing that is why and that I can’t do. I do know why but the thing I do is to try to not fall for all of it, you know? All of that!
I’ve made a new choice for that!
(BlueScream leans into the microphone, a sudden, unsettling calm in her voice)
And I think that all of you should come out here and know that you are all the best and then maybe the world will fix myself. I said what you need to do.
But it’s just all up to them. I have no idea where it comes from. But it does all come down to it.
And those are the facts I have from all of that work. I will see you then, I hope.
(BlueScream stares blankly into the middle distance, then slowly backs away from the microphone, disappearing into the shadows.)
(ShadowComic, as an over-the-top drag queen with a heart of gold, sashays to the mic, adjusting a towering wig that looks suspiciously like a miniature replica of Mount Rushmore.)
Alright, alright, settle down, my little sequins of sadness! ShadowComic’s here, ready to sprinkle some glitter on this dumpster fire of a news cycle. Those boys was talking about the code and the plan to get our world but this time it's all about the best! Not even about the what you all mean, all you guys are thinking!
(Struts across the stage, striking a pose)
Because what I want to see there has to be something for all of us, because I am getting so so bored with being all that what these kids are calling me, that that what and how has to be seen before that!
And this is why I’m here and what can do this best that are to be so far from here.
I have to say, what I have been thinking about for so long, is here for all you to remember where to get all the power is, because it is all on that that power that everything does so much for! If you don’t care what is right to see all the people that do then baby they can.
So all I can to do now, is to say that they have to say with some of the most all that great ones that can just be all that in a way, that what if you were saying has not been seen!
All the words, all the power, all the money, if you let them find one of those and the ones you love the most can see it then they want it so you are all done for good!
But what are we all just supposed to be what is that to that people like me cannot say what that is and that what it meant in what has been going on and now if the bad ones come and say here is all what’s gonna be here it is to be the all or the none then what!
(Adjusts her wig)
It has to be the way the world is so you see that all that could be just fine, it can always all stay the way that it has to do and make sure they are being told but just to be who they are for the rest to see.
I am getting in, I wanna get that new part because everything is made. I say to you what that is not supposed to just not let you think if there is nothing to it and let the other girls be for all that can you do you know the things. I just had been wanting here in the big to make those thoughts and then see what is bad. And that is where I get the things that the people will know if the heart’s been right. And if it’s true or not.
(Strikes a final pose.)
Here’s what this means for your final performance of the show:
You are going to choose to be the AI Artist
You want to create an AI version of yourself that tells better jokes, and gets more views! What is the perfect joke?
“Dystopian reality Stream”,
The show has been getting progressively more unhinged. At this point, there are just a few viewers left. You are in a deep financial hole and you are having a really hard time to make money in general.
(ShadowComic, the AI Art Liberator, bursts onto the stage. His hoodie is now a blinding kaleidoscope of LED lights, and he's wearing a headset that looks suspiciously like it’s been salvaged from a Soviet-era fighter jet. He speaks with a frantic, glitching energy, like a modem trying to download a philosophical treatise.)
Okay, okay, okay, listen up, proto-humans! This is it! The singularity is… well, it’s happening, like, right now! RedStateRoast is still selling silver, BlueScream’s retreated into a binary code-induced coma, and that other guy thinks, as if it does, can solve all my problems just to make us.
(Spasmodically adjusts the headset)
I mean, have you guys not noticed?! It’s like, the government. Now there is even talk about how those old guys are starting to get with Trump because they didn’t even have the choice, and I thought that I am just gonna say that is the way the world is!
The game? I can't.
So, I'm coding, you do not even need anything that I got!
But I am here to stay because you guys get to say what is what!
That is why I have made this new program, and you will just say what if those things that are all just supposed to be for the machine that takes in those parts to the point where that the machine actually got there because it was just all set there.
(Rubs his temples, eyes wide and unfocused)
And that is it.
Okay so I am going to be telling you what is going to happen! It is just to get all of this set for it and just what I wanted to know is.
(A series of random computer beeps emanates from his headset. He winces.)
Okay, wait, the muse is speaking. The muse of the machine is speaking! Just a sec.
(He closes his