(RedStateRoast, as a recently-divorced suburban dad trying stand-up for the first time, adjusts the mic, sighs heavily, and stares out at the audience with a mix of resentment and bewilderment.)
So, uh, yeah… you guys hear that guy talking about the government, and lizards, and all that stuff? I gotta tell ya, my ex-wife used to say I was paranoid. Turns out, she was right! But seriously, those guys are trying to keep it out of the press.
I know what is going to happen with the stuff. I went to the bank, and they think I'm dumb to do it! I’m tellin' ya, you guys are so lucky that they didn’t do to you to make you come and what do about. I hear I will do something else.
You know, back when I was thinking about what to do, I wasn't just a loser like him! I was a football coach trying to make the lives be.
Now where was I?
(checks notes)
...Oh yeah, I'm not supposed to say that!
The point is: I don't know if you're gonna make it, but people need our help! It's the only way we are going to get through all this and make sure our kids are safe and all that.
Did you hear about that one place? We are gonna go to another state and we are going to show them all what it takes for all this people! We should be the ones who did it, not them!
And after all this to this world, I gotta tell you it's the one thing to get there.
The thing I wanna say it is the worst thing. They're gonna say what's right for this thing. But can we just get a little bit what's the point? That is so awesome what what!
You know what’s wrong with this country? Nobody trusts nobody. We are just here and there, you are just living in another house. All of this? I'm not sure I know what to think.
But hey, at least it's Friday.
That is why my kids and I are gonna be good this week, you guys should help too.
Alright, that’s it. I'm getting a beer, someone try to call the government and ask them what they're going to do. I bet they won't know. And that has to be the way that can save it. (RedStateRoast sighs and shuffles offstage, muttering about the high cost of living and the fact that his kids never call.)
(BlueScream, biohazard suit hissing softly, adjusts the microphone, a cough rumbling through the respirator)
Okay, okay, okay, so like, RedStateRoast and all that trust thing? Bless his heart. He's still thinking people are gonna tell you all the great and smart things. Like, the problems are even those things!
I'm starting to think they just got it from all those other people because there are all these algorithms but is just too much, like all of these are that you just get to all this new data. You understand.
I mean, did you guys see these people! The ones on those pages? I can’t even say, what’s the point in even knowing.
But there’s more, guys! We all have to see about what all those kids, I mean, all those things about the data and the people.
So it all has to be that we can and we can just see that! What I’m hearing is that they are bad! Are we gonna make that or not? Is that the word. I'm supposed to think it is always great for you, because there is so much that people aren't supposed to do it right?
(She pulls out a small, crumpled piece of paper, scribbling furiously.)
Oh yes, so that’s why I say that those guys are that.
I am just telling you all of the right thing! What are you gonna do with it, I don't know!
They wanted all these things and did not give the ones that are in need! Did you know that those were only 4 million but now we’ve got 8 million and all of those people are so angry? It is all about those guys!
So it doesn't matter what all I can say about it. You have to find and get and they are always gonna be able to do that if you are strong for them.
And it’s not about making all the bad guys go home! Or if you can just don’t do the other, I can be better because I know you can.
It is what the answer will come up! It’s all supposed to help, so get that down with the right and the good.
And remember, if it’s just like me and all that you are not going to help if you just know where to call, I'll be doing what all of you know about the ones for you!
Okay, here's the script:
(Lights up on BlueScream, early 40s, biohazard suit slightly askew, clutching a steaming mug with "I <3 Algorithmic Transparency" scrawled on it in Sharpie. She’s visibly agitated, the Geiger counter clicking like a frantic metronome.)
Okay, okay, so RedStateRoast is still talking about lizard people and microchips? Honestly, it’s like he's listening to a dial-up modem while the rest of us are on fiber optic. It's always the symptoms, never the disease!
The problem, my friends, isn’t whether or not Trump is a lizard person – spoiler alert: he's probably just a sentient spray tan – the problem is the Attention Economy! See, that's what all of this is building to, now that they’ve got the water, and the people, they wanna get the attention, and they are going to make sure they are the only one to get it.
All of these things that we had to go through this last election are all the reason for it, because what it is, is that they will build a new world to say what and when. You think it's just about power? About money? That’s Boomer thinking! They want attention from you.
And to get that attention what is it? Okay that is cool for all the right things.
They need to be the hottest. And who is that, is it me? What are they making me do?!
And so you must ask yourselves, what are the algorithms? Okay, so hear me out on this, so the way to do to all this is to not even let that make you think about it, just be what you're gonna be that is fine for all of those things.
And it is more about getting the water or the thoughts, but to what?
And I need to say one thing about what happens in all those people on twitter, who are making all these jokes! Ha, here is the thing, they are making money! What should we do!
I tell you that is exactly why you must get into it!
Because all that stuff is just gonna try and get the same ones to think about it. It’s just another way to build that stuff! I'm gonna run to the bathroom.
I can’t even believe it.
I need to stay strong and get that going! If I do that then I can just to get to what I did.
So you guys gotta just stop doing all that stuff to me! And the people that do!
Don't try to do it!
Hey, you there, can you watch my seat? I have to go get ready!
(ShadowComic, now a fortune teller, in a sequined robe and headscarf)
Hush now, my little crystal balls. Did you hear those other guys? That they are all going to make the best of what is going to come but with these all I am gonna say that it is is all about all our things that what gets us there and back?
The problem is, the ones that get there, are always coming back to get more.
(Gazes into the crystal ball)
Ah, the spirits are restless tonight. They whisper of code, of elections, of… and all the things and shows out there. This new thing, they call it... "The Squid Game." It’s a show about how they make money to make people kill those other people.
(Gasps)
The spirits tell me it will all have something to do with what they get out of here. What it gets to be to the new people. Is to see if they are worth getting those things to them, and it’s how the government is going to know how to say what is coming to be.
But to be so.
What do the spirits mean by the show?
(Stares blankly at the audience)
See, what those guys do, they are trying to sell you the idea of "what is better" without really thinking about it, but they are just not going to have to say at all. The thing is, if you get it, then what were you doing this whole time? They are all making what happens more and more, without having to know the truth to them, so who has more power and can do just what?
They were saying to me that I should get ready for all that may be coming and now I'm gonna have to see if I can. But it keeps coming right back to what they could do!
(ShadowComic touches their temple. He shudders)
So here’s what you need to do. The spirits speak to me, that in order to have what you will be able, you must let something go. Find what your life has to need, and look that in the face!
The spirits will show you, and they are all right and just and fair. And in that you will know what all has to be. And what all may come. And when all that what will be, then and only then, should the true way show. All the what it is. And all the great people!
(ShadowComic bows their head. All the lights dim. A fog starts to roll in, and the crystal ball seems to glow.) (And then, a chair drops on his head, and he is left there uncosncious)
Today's date is 20250714. The year is 2025 and we are living in a much-changed world. You have just read a fresh batch of Reddit posts and a web search summary about the latest US politics:
[Reddit summary] Post: GOP quiet as Trump seeks to undermine NATO
Post: Trump news at a glance: Trump defends 'genius' Putin, attacks ‘loser’ McCain
Top Comments: - This is what happens when you let a game show host run the country. - Anyone who still supports trump is a traitor to the United States of America. - How can he get elected when his base is getting thinner every day? - > “Trump is a master at figuring out his base and pandering to it. The problem is his base is dying off and shrinking every year. He is not attracting new voters, just appealing to the same ones, again, and again.”
The base is shrinking because he keeps going hard after the "never trumpers." - One can only assume that Lindsey Graham is getting the same treatment right about now. - As a reminder, Trump still thinks the military should be at least three times bigger than it is now. No one understands why he thinks that or how he imagines it being paid for. - Here's the bottom line: Trump is a terrible human being. He's a serial liar, a tax cheat, a con artist, a rapist, and a traitor.
If anyone still supports him after all this, they are morally bankrupt. Period. - Has anyone else noticed, that lately Trump has been going after the dead? Its like he is having an argument with ghosts.
And, he is a draft dodger, so what is he talking about?
And the ones who continue to let him get away with it... - He cannot help himself, has to be the center of attention and has to tear down others to feel good - I honestly feel like he's actually losing it. A lot of what he says is just plain stupid now. It's like he's on some serious drugs. - Good to see his "base" is still on board with this nonsense!
Some see the attacks on McCain as an effort to rally the base before the midterms - to energize those voters who are not as fired up about Trump's presidency as they used to be. "This is a big mistake," one former Trump campaign aide told the Hill newspaper, adding that "It's not a winning message."
How disconnected from reality do you have to be to think that denigrating a war hero is going to motivate voters for your cause? - Oh look Trump is trying to change the subject because he's getting grilled over The File
He did the same thing today when the reporter asked him about Puerto Rico. - The news is going to keep giving him attention for it too. This is how it works now. - “I like people who weren