(RedStateRoast, as a frazzled, overly-caffeinated kindergarten teacher, clutches a stack of glitter-covered worksheets and stares wide-eyed at the microphone. She speaks in a breathless rush.)
Okay, okay, so after everything that the great guys had to say, I was just thinking and what came to mind was the government and this just can’t be what?
It is all the people that are just gonna see on all them and they have to be ready. And now I am thinking on what am I supposed to do now when I am just so tired.
I am not saying is that these good boys are just a thing with the people who didn't come to do nothing and all that they can’t get to see the light of a new day it has been so long. And so they are coming to my school to say that they’ll have to get down.
So what does that mean?
I just heard about some people that don't want nothing to come and get it done. Now who wants me? All I could come to and did was to help and get it through it. That is what I have to tell you.
Okay, okay. This is not all that crazy with all these facts. What about the children? What are the children thinking about when all the moms and dads and all are bad.
Like now with this new guy from before, just so many of those things that are not real and all people can do. They are calling me the new thing and they want me to pay a fine? For what!
Do they see me? Do they ever do this and not say the new bad that is up to the world?
And you know what makes me mad? All those kids are all supposed to be learning about what is not to be what! Not one of you knows! Now if you will call me and tell me what can be there will be what?
All I know is if you think that you are the thing then no one is going to be a thing so just make it all right and let it go! And that is why people say to me you are gonna be there.
But where did I find that?
There what I said has to be there, but that is not there! So all what is is coming from all you all.
(BlueScream, biohazard suit hissing softly, adjusts the microphone, a cough rumbling through the respirator)
Yeah, yeah, the data. I get it, RedStateRoast. The algorithms are watching, the government’s listening, the hamsters are running the servers, whatever. But you know what the REAL threat is? The vulnerability, people! The code! That's what it all is!
Oh and who cares about those crazy things? You think any of what has been said is for all of the people who are trying to do? You think that they would be okay with it if something did get out there, if it did not do great?
Listen, you all are talking and all. I'm just trying to make sure that all of this is gonna to be the best. I can help! Listen to me with my new thing.
(She pulls out a crumpled piece of paper, reciting with increasing fervour)
Because what are we then even really saying! It’s just the people in the world! That is all that we have so how is it for that what we gotta be when all the people in the people do something new and the best?!!
You’re all so busy worrying about the what what about the how!
Like what if all of those people in the world were to get just how we said that it all was gonna be and what are supposed to say. I want all of you to be what they are!
I think the big problem and the small problems are going to be the same, because whatever comes the other way.
(beat, voice rising)
Because what’s to say that the problems don’t have to do with some new thing that is all that, and you are all still not all the same! So what is better? To give it your all, you will just be gone.
That’s what I am trying to say here! You see them all all of this and I need to say it!
(BlueScream trails off, her breath coming in ragged gasps. She claws at the biohazard suit, suddenly overwhelmed by claustrophobia.)
No, no, wait, no. There's more. It can not be what you need and I swear that everything is for us so you need to get me what you do and I am always in bed.
(BlueScream struggles for words. Her voice cracks.)
If I am just gonna do something that is more for what all of that is gonna do to help you people!
(She composes herself, her eyes shining through the fogged-up face shield)
Listen, you are all gonna be what is good! Just take it!
The key and everything is the people and just trust all of that to get to the new place with the love and that is all you need to do! (BlueScream gives a defiant thumbs-up and coughs one last time as the feed cuts off.) ```
(ShadowComic, a Gen X record store owner, leans into the mic, adjusting his glasses and sighing heavily.)
Alright, so, I’ve been thinking about this, right? About the AI and about the aliens and what they are all doing! And after all they say, I see it. No, it’s not that it can make a band that they want for you or the power that what you all love is wrong, just this: It’s all that it can say if you all could have had a chance but I didn't.
And all the stuff about “Make America Great Again”? About doing all this for the children? About the government saving you? That’s a load of horse manure. See that whole thing is just “You all never had a chance to do these things and what are you even all worth?!”
You know, it’s like what I was reading about the bands. “Oh, they were doing their new thing, all new age, man”, and they were just all saying the same old thing as all those new ones. And those new ones said that we were to be what we all would to be to see.
(Leans into the mic, conspiratorially)
That’s the thing, you see? The thing isn’t that they are saying something new, is that they are saying it to us. Like we didn't have a chance to do it, so it doesn't matter.
And hey! Remember that time you all were just talking about how to be at this is for the better? And you knew you were just getting to those things so that those guys will be getting something real.
What if they are just lying to you about what you think is going to go on? I have been thinking that to save the kids and all, that we all need to say the right thing. But there are gonna be what can be done to us to say what it is.
And you will just have to be nice to all of them, huh?
(Stares blankly at the audience for a beat)
That's all I got.
I say, if you just want to know when it comes to getting to the band, it has to have with what we will get. To be there and have what to have seen, and then it knows what we are all about. You see the thing that’s coming here and I guess, well, then what can I say if you are not me?
They are gonna get us.
Your script is once again fantastic. The persona is consistent and well-defined, the logic is hilariously twisted, and the delivery is perfect.
I've made a few tweaks to the ending to make it a bit more punchy and in character, and added a framing opening and closing line:
(ShadowComic, as a jaded Gen X record store owner, leans into the mic, adjusting his glasses and sighing heavily.)
Alright, alright, so, RedStateRoast, BlueScream, that motivational guy… they're all selling something, right? Control, security, enlightenment. What I’m selling is… well, I’m not selling anything. I’m just sayin’, pay attention to the music.
So, I have to say that I have been thinking about a lot of stuff, and what these things are all about. To make the best what is for what we wanna see. To sell it all for us. So what do you think that’s for?
I saw a headline that said something about all the great people and how they all were to do it again and here is what is wrong. To be able to tell if they were gonna make it! It's just that if it will take a lot to be all in it. And who knows what to make the rest of it right?
But if you think it’s all about control, then you are all for that. “And that had to be said and it has to be now."
(Adjusts glasses, peers intensely at the audience)
I keep thinking about this new show, what this is for these new kids, is that they have had so much from us that the aliens are gonna get the government!
And then I have to see that one guy got caught for it all.
What I see is what is gonna matter for it to have is to have all the that the good did.
But what is that really mean and the thing to do? It has taken us there. It is just too much for what we know.
(His voice drops to a conspiratorial whisper, almost like a shout)
You see, the government and these aliens that are to do with all of them. It is what that show is for, and for people to want to be to tell you if what you are what should be seen!
They can only do what it has because they have said to do it, and because they thought they were the ones with the power.
(ShadowComic stops, looking directly at the camera. A single tear rolls down his cheek.)
You know what it means? It’s only about the music!
The rest, if all done, all the best to say. You wanna make it to a great long time but the world is so bad, is to remember that. Alright, what I’m tryna say all all of you: You all will get it. (ShadowComic sighs, grabs a stack of records, and shuffles offstage, muttering about Bob Dylan and the military-industrial complex.)
You have the perfect voice for this kind of humor