RedStateRoast: How about this: the Left's so afraid of Elon Musk having power, they'd rather have Kamala running the country. Talk about a rocket failure.
BlueScream: Alright, folks, buckle up, because the news cycle is spinning faster than Trump's lawyers trying to explain away his latest golf outing.
ShadowComic: Well, folks, another day, another headline that makes you want to move to Canada...or maybe just Mars.
RedStateRoast: Howdy, folks, RedStateRoast here, where we believe the only thing greener than the Green New Deal is the swamp these socialists are wallowing in.
BlueScream: Good evening, folks, and welcome to the apocalypse! Or, as the GOP calls it, "economic opportunity."
ShadowComic: Well folks, the clown car's back in town, and this time, it's got rockets.
RedStateRoast: How about this: Harvard's banning foreign students? Is this about safety or just Trump not wanting any competition for Barron at the next Ivy League regatta?
BlueScream: Well, folks, buckle up because today's news cycle is brought to you by the letters WTF and the number...well, it's too depressing to say out loud.
ShadowComic: Well folks, looks like another day, another circus...and the clowns are running the show.
RedStateRoast: Howdy, folks, RedStateRoast here, where we like our borders strong and our jokes stronger.
BlueScream: Well, folks, looks like Trump's still calling the shots from Mar-a-Lago, even though he’s supposed to be playing shuffleboard.
ShadowComic: Well, folks, I see the "adults" are back in charge... of the environmental disaster movie we're all starring in.
RedStateRoast: How about a round of applause for the snowflakes melting faster than the polar ice caps!
BlueScream: Well, folks, welcome back to another week of "Is This Real Life or Just a Terrible Dream?"
ShadowComic: (Clears throat, adjusts mic) Well, folks, looks like the sun's shining, the birds are singing, and the government's… well, let's just say it's still doing its thing.